While in China...

Today is THE day, I fly out to China TODAY, no more sleeps, no more waiting, today this actually happens.

So for those of you who follow kaleidoscope, I hope to update this fairly regularly so keep on checking, although email will be a safer way to communicate so if you would like email updates of my time in China, flick me an email at beckie.ruth1@gmail.com and I'll add you to that list.

Watch this space...

Becks

God is good!

Today, 15 days before I fly out for China, I have absolutely confirmed work for the time I am there.

Not only that, I have a place to live and I will be working directly with a couple of Christians.

Its funny, I just finished talking to somebody (literally 10 minutes ago) about how the thought of going to a unfamiliar country, not speaking the language, not having anywhere to live, or anything to do didnt scare me at all. The reason for this was that everything leading up to this has been so affirming and there was no doubt in my mind that God was going to provide for me.

I had this weird sense of peace in knowing that I was following in obedience, not delighting in my own desires. Being willing is an odd concept I feel. It doesnt at all mean that Im going to be content in everything God calls me to do.

Jesus says in Luke..

"Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine."

What would it be like to be this willing?!

I will definatly talk about this more when I have gotten my head around how amazingly perfect it is, and also in a place where it cannot be read.

This is very exciting.

God is good.

YOU

To be like You, is I want Lord

To be like You, is what I ask for

To be like You, is what Im longing for

coz at the end of the road, this is what will remain...

To love like You, is what I want Lord

To love like You, is what I ask for

To love like You, is what Im longing for

coz at the end of the day, this is what will remain...

YOU, are what I want Lord

YOU, are what I ask for

YOU, are what Im longing for

coz at the end of the day, this is what will remain...

...you.

If only I could sing this honestly, with pure intentions. Some days I can. Although, some days I can't.

To be like Him, to love like Him, what an honour. If only I could swallow my pride, ditch my prejudice and actually love like Him.

Coz at the end of the day, He will reamain, not material possessions, not the world, not me, but Him.

* Song: "You" by Rebecca St. James

Lately

It never ceases to amaze me how, when our trust in placed in Him, and when everything seems to go so horribly wrong, somehow things turn out so much more amazing than they would have if our own selfish plans went ahead as we planned.

But in saying this, it never ceases to amaze me how frustrated I get, how upset and angry I get, how abusive I get time and time again when things dont go my way, even though I've seen His work so often in my own life and in the lives of those around me.

I can say things like "it's okay, God's in control and I trust that everything turn out fine" and "this doesnt worry me at all, God will make everything better" but in reality, Im human and what Im saying and what Im really thinking are two very different things.

So why then does God continue to love me, to comfort me, to guide me and to provide for me? Im not lovable, Im not even close to perfect, Im disgustingly human, yet He doesnt give up, doesnt let go of me.

God's unfailing, never ending, unconditional love for me, just as I am, through my faults and constant failures, through my weaknesses and mistakes, through my anger and abuse never ceases to amaze me.

He, the creator of the universe and everything that exsists in it, the Son of God, loves me.

How exciting is that?!

Sometimes life just sucks...

Pretty much,

China has fallen apart this week.

But

as much as it sucks for me,

as upset as I am,

as much as I just want to give up,

It's just impossible

for me

to imagine

what it must be like

for all the little kiddies in China

who have been

abandoned.

Sorry I have to be vague...ask me what the story is offline.

Beckie is going to China!

An update on the last post ("An Elephant-sized hiccup")....

I've just got home from the Chinese Embassy again, and my visa has been approved. oh yeah. I had an enormous amount of txt messages this morning (and a lovely anonymous comment on my last post...thanks...) wishing me luck and sending prayers and love, and it's so been felt today. The relief is HUGE...like actually. There's only the little twiddly bits left to sort, and then just turning up at the airport. The waiting is killing me.

I know that the chances of nothing else going wrong in the next 64 days are slim, but I have no doubt in my mind that everything will be ready to go in time. That's an encouraging thought.

Love,
Becks

An elephant-sized hiccup...

I have to be careful about what I say so bear with me...

I leave for China in 10 weeks (71 days actually...but who's counting..), and everything seemed to be going really smoothly. There's only really been a few little bumps along the way, but nothing too stressful..
Now I only have two things left to sort, the two things that I thought would be the easiest. 1. Insurance. And 2. my visa. I havent even really thought about insurance but got onto applying for my visa as soon as I could really.
BUT Im having mega ultra huge issues with getting my visa approved, which is actually about the worst thing that could happen. No visa, no entering China.

I can't be too specific here, but you can ask me (not on the internet) later if you wish and I'll fill you in.

You're support so far has been flippin' amazing. Actually. I have no doubt that this is what Im meant to be doing, and definately where Im meant to be right now, so theres no doubt in my mind that I'll get past this in time.

Love you all this much *stretches arms out as far as they will go*,
becks xx

Thoughts of the week..

This week, I got to talking with a friend about attraction and such. It was an interesting discussion, one that led in the usual manner, but went a bit deeper (which is always a bonus!). We talked about "specifics", you know, like what people generally look for...the talk, dark handsom type. But then this got me thinking more. When we look for specifics, everyone will come off not good enough. Seriously, how would you feel if someone turned their direction because one or two specifics didnt quite fit? Worthless comes to mind.. How much better would life be if we weren't searching for perfection? How much better would life be if we embraced brokenness and faults?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Today at uni, I got to listen to a man in his mid 70's talk with the most amazing joy about his adorable wife of 50 years. It was actually the highlight of my week. Words like 'beautiful', 'loving', and 'matchless' rolled off his tongue with sincerity.
Of course, their lives wouldn't have been perfect, but their limitless love for each other was unmistakable.

It was beautiful.

How much are we missing out on by putting up specifics, or limits? This can be applied to anything, this was purely an example from my week.

Im slowly trying to remove the limits I put up in my life, the specifics Im looking at so life might turn out perfect. Because if we expect perfection, we're only setting ourselves up for disappointment.

Monday musings (part II)

Following on from "Monday musings..." a few weeks ago...

I thought I couldn't write about hope without writing about it's friends love and faith

(1 Corinthians 13:13...you know it...)

* * *

"The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread."

Whether we like it or not, we focus our lives on love.

Some love money.

Or power.

Or themselves.

Or others.

It's true that it's a hunger.

We long for it.

We need it.

We focus on it.

It's the highest cause in all humanity.

It's out universal commonality.

It's out most divine need.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with it.

It's wonderful, isn't it?

But it's what we love that causes issues.

I think what we miss is that love isn't a trivial human thought.

It's a spiritual force.

A choice.

And when we love truly,

honestly,

selflessly,

like Jesus

love breaks bonds of brokeness and oppression.

Love is the motivation of justice.

The power behind hope.

The fuel of forgiveness.

I'm human.

And I do find it hard sometimes to understand why Jesus loves me so much.

But it's not because I'm loveable.

I'm not.

It's because I am His, and He is love.

He can't help to love me.

That's encouraging.

I've heard it said that to love someone else is to see the face of God.

I guess it's true, when you think about it.

To love someone else, through the faults of being human, (because, lets be honest, none of us are worthy...)

really is seeing the face of God.

He loves us through our faults,

our brokeness,

our human-ness.

His love seeks no other agenda.

It's unconditional.

It doesn't want payback.

And in spite of all the madness of life, it wins.

Reflections of Winter..

Winter gets a bad rap. Like actually.

Its cold.

Its wet.

Its dark.

But its beautiful.

Without winter, there would be no summer.

Without the rain, there would never be rainbows.

Without darkness, we would never experience light.

Winter is beautiful.

Monday musings...

"Hope is both the earliest and the most indispensable virtue inherent in the state of being alive. If life is to be sustained hope must remain, even where confidence is wounded, trust impaired."

We all hope for something.

Big or small, it's always important to us, at the time.

We hope we'll pass that exam.

We hope we'll see that person.

We hope, no matter how hard it is to believe, that everything will turn out ok.

It's only human nature.

To wish.

To dream.

To hope.

Hope really must remain, if we're to remain sane.

It has a very close relationship with faith.

Faith gets you through when feelings are absent. Hope gives you something to look forward to, the light at the end of the tunnel.

Faith is believing in the unseen. Hope is what you make out of nothing.

Losing hope though, is a huge reality.

In our broken world, as fallen people, there seems nothing to look forward to,

nothing to dream about,

nothing to hope for.

It's too hard to look past the crap surrounding us,

it's too scary to step out and dream.

Being let down is too much of a reality.

Disappointment is inevitable.

Unavoidable.

Certain.

And if I've learnt anything, it's that there's not one person that won't let me down.

We're human.

We're broken.

But through that, I've learnt that the unconditional love of God is the single thing in the world that I can rely on.

Totally.

Faithfully.

And that gives me hope.

Broken...

A world that celebrates success doesn't see value in broken things. But God brings beauty out of brokenness. For a plant to rise from the soil the seed must be broken. For a baby chick to experience larger life the shell must be broken. Even a thoroughbred horse must be broken; it must learn to respond to the tug of the rein and the sound of the master's voice. Getting the idea? After a humbling encounter with Christ on the Damascus Road, Paul re-evaluated all the religious activity he once boasted about and called it "dung" (Philippians 3:8). And you don't brag about dung, you're repulsed by it.

Brokenness is the work of God by which He strips us of self-sufficiency so that the character of Christ may shine through us. Now don't misunderstand; being broken doesn't necessarily mean experiencing some tragedy. Many people suffer tragedy without drawing closer to God or even acknowledging Him. Indeed, the same sunshine that melts the butter hardens the clay. The issue in brokenness is not so much our circumstances, but our response.

What is God trying to teach us? True brokenness is when He strips us of self-sufficiency to the extent that we've no strength left to fix ourselves. When God blocks every exit we try to take and we come to see that He alone is our answer, we make a life changing discovery. "And what's that?" you ask. When God is all you have - God is all you need! Bottom line: God's power is reserved for those who have given up trying to do it in their own strength or to accomplish it for their own ends!

I've recently begun to "take off my mask", exposing my brokeness, my imperfections, my human-ness. And rather than being woe-is-me about it all, I want to embrace it, reveal it, use it. I firmly believe that God uses brokeness, we are all broken after all, and all I have to be is willing. Willing for Him to break me and mould me how He wants. I think its okay not to want to, to be scared. Being totally okay and content is different from being willing. I think brokeness is a gift, in a way. Theres nothing like being totally isolated, totally out of options, and all you can do is lean on God.

You'll never know that God is all you need, until He's all you've got.

x becks

An update...

I dont know how to start this post. I guess I'll just....start typing....?

Due to...circumstances...I will most likely be travelling to China about six weeks earlier than originally planned.

This means...
...I have six less weeks to work my butt off and raise the money. This puts heaps more pressure on me and my bank account.
...I will be away for (and working on) Christmas day. Not only away from my family and friends and people I love and church and turkey and laughter, I will be in a country where Christianity is illegal, punishable by inprisionment, tourture and death, therefore Christmas is....not at all recognised.

So what Im asking for...
...prayer. Knowing that you are there praying with me and for me is a good feeling. They are so felt, even now.
...support. Being around for me to freak out with, and to get excited with. To share with and talk with.
...love. Being you, loving me through my craziness leading up to this.

Of course, none of this is set in stone yet. This might all be a false alarm, but Im preparing for it not to be false at all. Im still more excited than Ive ever been in my entire life, and Im still trusting God more than I ever have in my entire life.

I promise to keep you posted.

x becks

Grace. Love. Faith. Life.

I've just found this little thing I once wrote to a friend when she was a new Christian. It's so random, but I find it really encouraging, especially after the hidiously ugly week I've had. I hope yoy find some encouragement in it too, but once again, this is mostly me having a good rant at myself.

Ok, here goes...


Life will still suck sometimes, but it'll be peachy too!


Grace is amazing. Theres nothing you can do to make God love you more...so dont try...and nothing you can do to make God love you less...so dont try!


Love is unconditional. You dont have earn His love. The fight has already been fought.


And faith..is challenging. Faith is being sure of what we cant see.

More Bricks

"It made me think of all the times God has thrown bricks at me, beacuse I'd missed His simple, loving, soft spoken words."

-Me. Last week in "Bricks".

Today a rather large 'brick' was thrown at me. And I have to say, it hurt and will definately leave a bruise (for once, not in the literal sense of the word...). I'm still, at 2am, racking my brain, trying to find what I've missed in the last....I don't know, six months, that's led the One that loves me most to throw such a large...brick. Of course He loves me more than I will ever understand. Of course He knows better than me. I am disgustingly human, and have been constantly reminded of that several times this week.

Human. Bruised by a brick today.

Silence

I love silence.



At Roskill, we start our services with a short time of silence (often too short..), and I love it. I love that, in silence, there is nothing else to do but listen. There are not many times during my week that I get to sit, in silence, totally focused, waiting on God. Actually, if I was honest, I can't remember the last time (outside the comforts of Roskill) I sat in total silence, and just...listened. Of course I have my quiet times, my Beckie and God time, but they're often not in total silence. I listen to music. Or sing. Or the TVs on in the next room. Or I listen to my own thoughts. But imagine how much more I'd hear, if all of that was taken away, and I was left with...nothing...





...stillness...






...silence.

Bricks

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door!
He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?"
The young boy was apologetic. "Please, mister .Please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do," He pleaded. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop..."
With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. "It's my brother," he said, "he rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."
Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."
Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay. "Thank you and may God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger.
Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home. It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him...
Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!

I was sent this by a friend this week, and I quite like it.
It made me think of all the times God has thrown bricks at me, because I'd missed his simple, loving, soft spoken words. Someone wise once described God as "subtle, but not malicious", and I find this to be spot on.
You might think of this as a far fetched, unrealistic, silly made up fairytale with a dumb moral. To be honest, I kind of did too at first. It is unrealistic. It is made up. It is far fetched. But the matter is, it's thought provoking. Mind boggling.
And the moral, well, it does make sense. To me, if nobody else.

"Beauty is one of those rare things that doesn't lead to doubt..."

I doubt.

But I love this.

If you know but at all, you'll know that I absoulutely love going for walks, taking photos, and just sitting in the presence of creation. And I think this is the reason.

I doubt. But the beauty of creation really is one of those things that rarely leads to doubt. And Im encouraged by this time and time again. Maybe that's why God made things so beautiful, coz He knew we'd screw up, He knew we'd live in a broken world, and He knew we'd need something to bring us home, bring us back to Him. I don't know what His reasons were. Hmmmm.

Anyway, I just wanted to share with you some of the beauty that He created.

x Becks

to the ends of the earth...

He said to them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will recieve power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

- Acts 1:7-8

Today I was criticised for the time I'm about to spend in China, working with children who can't go to school because they're deaf and the Chinese government won't let them. I've been told I'm not going to be supported because I'm going independantly, under the umbrella of an organisation that isn't specifically Christian.

So that pretty much sucked. Because reading this verse, I don't need to be with a Christian organisation to be a witness. As a Christian, I need to love Jesus and do everything in my power to share His love with those who have never had the oppourtunity to encounter Jesus. I didn't choose to be called to China, but I feel if that's where God has called me to for now, who am I to give Him conditions? When I gave everything over to God, it didn't come with "but only on the condition that...." That's not quite how it works.

As James* (and Brooke Fraser) said, faith without deeds is dead. I am saved by the grace of God, and I have total faith in Him, but that faith is indeed dead if I'm not proactive about it. If I focus myself on Him, live like Him and break with Him, "deeds" should come naturally. God doesn't give suggestions or ideas, He gives commands, and this most definately should be taken as one. As a Christian, I am called and commanded to serve not only Jesus, but His people, and in doing so, share His love.

I know that without support, I will never get to China so today has really upset me, I wanted nothing more but to up and leave then and there. But, more than anything, it's made me refocus on Him, and on the people of China, who really do need the oppourtunity to encounter Jesus.

* From James 2:14-26.

Also, the first words of James say "James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ...". I dream of the day I hear those words.

Also again, thanks to Bethany and Sam, who gave me these passages, and thoughts to go with them during my time in China 2008.

Lucky?

So today, thanks to the rain, maybe certain choices I made today, but more likely because of my own stupidity, I had an unfortunate experience.

This morning I chose to into uni to go to the last optional tutorial before my exam.

This morning I chose to bus, not drive, so mum didnt have to bike in the rain.

This morning I chose to wear boots, not my chucks, as I very nearly did.

And then, this afternoon, I got off the bus at White Swan Road, and chose to cross the road behind the bus, as I normally do. There was a small truck coming around the corner, but I cross here all the time, and I thought I had time to get across the road.


BUT THEN.. halfway across White Swan Road, I tripped over the tie on my boots that I had chosen to wear, sending my computer flying, landing almost on the opposite footpath, my 1000kg textbook almost as far, and I was, well....faceplanted the concrete, leaving me in the middle of White Swan Road, not able to get up, with a small truck coming around the corner. To be honest, I cant even remember falling, but I did.

Thankfully, the truck stopped in time, honked at me, slowly passed me and carried on his way. The car behind him stopped and got out to help me. Also, a nice old Asian (YUSSSSS) man, who had gotten off the bus at the same time, ran to my aid. With their help, I got to the other side of the road (off course, picking up all my things on the way), and I rang my dad and asked him to come and pick me up.

I got home, cried, had a shower, changed my clothes, cried some more and inspected the newly injured parts of my body...

Right ankle - sore and swollen, but okay.
Right knee - bruised and a bit swollen, but okay.
Left knee - has another knee growing on it..not really, just a very large bump, bruised, and very sore, but okay (?)
Left elbow - cut open, still bleeding, and swollen, but okay.

So really, Im very lucky.

This small truck very nearly hit me, and although didnt stop to see if I was alright, he DID stop.
Some good samaritans took time out of their days to see to me, making sure I was okay, and waiting for my dad to come and get me.
My five month old laptop is a bit dented, but everything seems to working, with no important files lost.
Im bruised and sore, but nothing serious. Im okay.

So there you are, another episode in Beckie attempting to cross the road. Im lucky it ended how it did. Im sore, and really shaken, but Im okay.

x becks

Things that make me smile...

Laughing so hard it hurts.

A hot shower.

Taking photos.

No lines at the supermarket.

A special glance.

Getting mail.

Music.

Taking a drive on a pretty road.

Hearing an old favourite song on the radio.

Hot towels fresh from the dryer.

China.

Vanilla milkshakes.

True justice.

Giggling.

Crying from laughing so hard.

Having a good idea.

A good, open and honest conversation.

Worship.

Finding money in my pocket.

Laughing at myself.

Seeing God work in people's lives.

Realsing God's work in my life.

Being accepted.

Going on a spontaneous adventure.

Building sandcastles.

You.

Looking back and remembering where I've come from.

Autumn leaves.

Weddings.

Clear, fine winter days.

Midnight phone calls that last for hours.

Running through sprinklers.

Laughing for absolutely no reason.

Rainbows.

Kids.

Coming home after a long time away.

Having someone tell me I'm beautiful.

Friends.

Inside jokes.

Reading old notes.

Lilies.

Accidentally hearing someone say something nice about me.

Telling stories.

Remembering something completely random from years ago.

Walking in the rain.

Or just walking.

Sundays.

Waking up and realising I have a few more hours to sleep.

New sheets.

Having someone play with my hair.

Creation.

Sweet dreams.

Hot chocolate.

Road trips.

Swings.

Making cookies.

Grace.

Writing a song.

Watching the stars.

Running into an old friend and realising some things never change.

Driving with no destination in mind.

Watching the sunrise.

Knowing that someone misses me.

Being forgiven.

Overcoming fear.

Getting a hug from someone I deeply care about.

Knowing I’ve done the right thing.

Seeing the world from someone else's perspective.

Wisdom...?

My first wisdom tooth emerged this week, after 18 months torture, but I don't feel any wiser...am I meant to?

I still struggle with my 'imaginary audience', sometimes think about who might be watching me and what they think about me.

I still get worked up about the little things, make mountains out of molehills.

I still sometimes turn a blind eye to the important things, purely out of fear.

I still look at outward appearance, and then hate myself for it.

I still feel useless sometimes.

I still cry.

I still seek to serve myself.

I still yell and scream at God, when I know He knows me better than I know myself, and He loves me more than I could ever understand.

I'm still growing, hoping that one day, I might be called wise.

Of course, I'm just having a good rant at myself, I don't intend to offend anyone. I don't expect anybody to really listen, or read and think about it. Just merely thinking out loud.

Frustration

You've probably seen this before...but remind yourself. If the world was shrunk to a village of 100 people...this is what it would look like.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twQED8zOBDo&feature=related


If equality exsits, why are people treated differently?

Why is it that the people with the most power get the most choice and resources?

Ugh. Frustration.

Don't be scared. Be unlimited.

This is set as my facebook 'status' at the moment, and someone just challenged me about it and asked me what it was I meant by it...
So I thought I'd share it, in case you're all wondering.

I saw it somewhere, I don't remember where, last week and I really liked the sound of it. And then I thought about it.
I think I liked it so much because it's so true to where I'm at right now. If I wasn't so scared about stuff, I'd be so more willing, so much more capable of doing things to honour God, and being scared often holds me back. Fear is a limit. It's huge for me in fact. But I'm trying and praying for that limit to be taken away, so nothing holds me back, ya know. If there's no limit, nothing in my way, nothing holding me back, then I have no excuse. And that's the way I want to be. Unlimited.

So what's your limit?

Don't be . Be unlimited.

Meeting with Jesus... a story

Meeting with Jesus. It's a bit of a funny thing to say. But that's what I call this story. Some of you will know bits of this story. This is just a glimpse...



Meeting with Jesus


She was sitting alone. Her friends were there, in the room, but for a reason she couldn’t explain even to herself, she was sitting alone, surrounded by strangers. The worship started. This was the part she was usually good at, but it seemed lately, she had lost all interest. She had lost all hope; she really believed there was nothing left for her. Feeling overwhelmed with life, she began to weep silently, in her heart crying out to God, who she hadn’t talked to in months, to take it all away.
She felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around, and there, staring back at her was a complete stranger who had been standing next to her, watching the tears fall. Calmly, he said “Can I pray for you?”
Silence.
Words couldn’t explain what went through her mind at that particular moment; she was taken aback, to say the least. She swallowed hard, and quietly nodded.
“Lord, I don’t know this girl, I don’t know what’s going on in her head, but I know You do know her. You know her.”
It was a simple prayer, one that she would never remember much of. But that one small part, she remembered forever, in her toughest times even years later.
It was the moment she came to truly know the love of Jesus, all because of the selflessness of a stranger. That was the night she first met with Jesus, and fell truly, madly and deeply in love with Him.



Beautiful.

To the Great Valley...

So I'm sitting here watching "The Land Before Time" (!!!) and am actually in awe at the amazingness of this 90s childrens film. For those of you who don't know the movie, first of all shame. Like really. You should know this movie. Anyway, it follows this group of five small dinosaurs on their way to the 'Great Valley'. When young Littlefoot loses his mother and is separated from his grandparents during the earth shake, he sets upon his journey to find the Great Valley, just as his mum told him to. Along the way he meets up with Sarah the three horn, Ducky the jumper, Pettrie the flyer/faller and Spike the spikeback, and together they face the trials of keeping to the path set for them.
Frustrated, Littlefoot cries out in desperation to the spirit of his dead mother "I tried to do what you told me, but it’s just too hard. I’ll never find the great valley." The dinosaur-shaped cloud then sheds light on the Great Valley before Littlefoot's eyes. It's such a beautiful moment.
The dinos are all reunited with their families in the valley of life, as the narrator calls it.

It makes me think..(of course..) how many times on our own journeys do we just give up and cry out because it's too hard, and we lose faith that we'll ever get there in the end? I can say that I do this fairly often. And I know that God always comes through and sheds light on what I'm missing, what I fail to see myself. This is encouraging.

It's a beautiful journey, one that I never realised or appreciated before. Seriously, if you haven't seen this, doooooooooooooo it. And if you did see it as a child, watch it again.

I'll let you draw your own parallels.

x becks

Quality Research...

Recently my nursing friends and I have been discussing the cardiovascular system which includes the heart and blood pathways, and its importance to our survival. I'm sure you've noticed that when you fall over and graze your knee, or the knife slips and you cut your finger, that the substance that escapes your body is red. But look at your wrist..and you'll notice that your veins are blue. Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT? That just doesn't make sense...or does it..?

You see, veins carry deoxygenated blood towards the heart, while arteries are the amazing tunnels that carry oxygenated blood away from the heart to other areas of the body. The veins in your wrist are just that...veins! Therefore, are carrying deoxygenataed blood back to the heart.

After thinking about this for an extended period of time, we have come to a conclusion, which is really more like a question that we demand an answer for...








The blood of an alien is blue. Is this because there is NO oxygen on Mars, therefore always carrying deoxygenated blood in their bodies? Huh? Huh? Is it??

a mile towards China

It was dark purple in colour. It could have been a cloud formation and held
no particular beauty or interest, but Gladys stared at it until the colour had
shredded out of the sky and the dark bank of land was swallowed by the
night.
That was China.

An amazing friend of mine recently bought me a copy of "The Small Woman" by Alan Burgess. It tells the story of the inspiring journey of Gladys Aylward, a woman who loved God and loved China and gave her life for both. Although I'm only four chapters into the book, it's already calmed me about my trip, and given me this amazing sense of peace in knowing this is what God wants me to do.

It's a good feeling.

An update on recent happenings is definately on it's way. In the meantime, thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. They are so appreciated.

She believed that every mile forward was a mile towards China.

The world that He created....

Just look at all those hungry mouths we have to feed.
Take a look at all the suffering we breed.
So many lonely faces scattered all around,
Searching for what they need.

Is this the world we created?
What did we do it for?
Is this the world we invaded?
Against the law?
So it seems in the end
Is this what we're all living for today?
The world that we created.

You know that every day a helpless child is born,
Who needs some loving care inside a happy home.
Somewhere a wealthy man is sitting on his throne,
Waiting for life to go by.

Is this the world we created?
We made it on our own.
Is this the world we devastated?
Right to the bone?
If there's a God in the sky looking down,
What can He think of what we've done
To the world that He created?

"Take a look at all the suffering we breed."
For me, this is the most powerful line in this song. Suffering that we, you and me, breed. Contribute to.
Overlook.

"Is this what we're all living for today? The world that we created?"
Are we living for ourselves?
Putting our own desires before the needs of others?
Living for us?

"...of the world that He created..."
It gets me everytime. Day to day, it's easy to forget that God created this all for us. He gave us this place and everything in it.
And this is what we've done with it.
Luckily He's a forgiving kind of guy.

You don't have to agree with me, but I do get frustrated with this world.
I get frustrated with poverty, and ingnorance towards it.
I get frustrated with greed, and the pride that goes with it.
I get frustrated at the media.
I get frustrated with myself.

I guess that's all from me tonight. This wasn't meant to turn into a rant, but it has, and I don't want to press the backspace button.
Something for you to think about anyway.


x becks.

I don't know what will happen this time next year, next month, next week, tomorrow. But I'm enjoying not knowing.


I don't know what God has in mind for me, but I trust He knows what He's doing.


I don't know who reads this blog, but I'll continue to write anyway, in the hope that someone is listening.


I don't know what uni will make of me, but I'm going to try my best to succeed.


I don't know why some things happen, but I trust that He has a reason.


I don't know how I'll be and what things I'll like in ten years, but change is good and should be welcomed and embraced.


I don't know what sort of world my children will grow up in, but as the song goes, He's got the whole world in His hands.


I don't know, but I'll take that in my stride, trusting, praying, and slowly working it all out, with His help.


x becks

Fill me...

Fill me to over flowing,
Fill me so I am broken.
With Your call, I give my all to You.
Fill me so I am
changed,
Fill me with Heavens ways.
Love for all, so all men might be
saved…

An awesome song, an awesome prayer.

This is a prayer I want on my heart as I prepare for my trip and as I travel to China. I want to be broken by Him, and rebuilt. I want to be filled with His ways, so that my work might just show His love to one person.

Possible?
Only with His help.

x becks

One year on...

Today marks one year since I arrived back from China. Who knew such an insignificant trip would turn out to be so significant...

The year following my short trip to China in April 2008 has impacted me more than the trip itself really...but it's only because of my trip that it's been so impacting. I hope that makes sense to you.

My time in China made isolated me, which was great, because all I could do was lean on God. I learnt to believe that I am blessed when leaning on God is my only option. Being isolated was really scary. I had nobody to really talk to, and was completely separated from everything I knew as normal. It really forced me to rely totally on God. And when I say totally...I mean totally. Who or what else did I have?

I got to see how "the other half" lived. It was the first time Id experienced true poverty, homelessnss and people selling themselves just to stay alive. Nobody should ever see the things I saw, let alone experienced them day to day. One of my most vivid memories of China is a walk I took along a river. On one side was a big tourist area, big buildings, shops. On the other were small huts made from..I dont know what...anything...and in the dirty river were the occupants of those huts, washing clothes, pots, and themselves. This image will no doubt stay in my mind forever, which, of course, isnt a bad thing.

Of course, these are the experiences of my time in China, but I think this last year has been even more impacting. Always having images like the one described above in my mind made me always focus on ways I could make change. At home in New Zealand. People have described me as more humble, compassionate and willing.

Coming home, I never expected to go back. I really didnt. But the last couple of months have seen me preparing for a return trip, starting this December. When I first felt..called, I guess...back, I was scared and angry. Scared of, well, everything that Id expereinced in my first trip. I didnt think I could handle seeing the poverty, the disparities, the sadness again. And angry at the fact that I was so affected by China, and the other 20 people who travelled with me werent. It was a "why me?" situation. Until I realised that, no Beckie, its not about you. You could say that going back is not God's decision for me, but rather my decision for God (thanks Charles..)

Now, I dont want to say that everything about the trip was depressing and unjust. I had a lot of fun, did some crazy things, and met some awesome people. For as much heartbreak I experienced, I also experienced joy. It wasnt all bad, and it definatly taught me a lot.

So one year on...Worth it? Most definatly. I wouldnt change my time in China for anything.

Life changing? More than words. Really.

Excited about returning? Feeling a mix of feelings, excitment is for sure one of them.

x becks

Feeling silly..

Do you ever have those moments when you go crazy over nothing...actually drive yourself nuts over something...blame yourself...even blame God...and then feel incredibly stupid the next day? I hate these moments, and I have them much too often. But recently, had a moment like this, and after feeling silly, felt really loved..here's why..
I got over the feeling silly pretty fast after this particular moment, and I went and read back in my prayer journal. It was actually almost funny seeing how..blameful (?) I was, especially at God. But I know God still loves me. Do you ever notice that you only get really angry at the people you really love? I must really love God sometimes. But no matter how many times I yell and scream and blame Him for everything that goes wrong, He still loves me. He still chases me. He still holds me, and always will. He doesnt love me because Im lovable, because lets face it...Im really not sometimes..He loves me because He is love..He cant help but love His children.
This thought is so encouraging..I hope this thought grabs me before I yell at God next time...not after the feeeling silly..

Smile. Jesus loves you :)

x becks

God moves..

Really. God moves.
If I didnt know it before, I surely know it now.
I fully had the best Eastercamp of my life this year. Im not sure what to put it down to, I think it was just a combination of everything. I went as a leader for the first time this year, which I think was pretty huge, not that I thought it was before I went. Leading up to camp, I thought because I was a leader, I wasnt going be touched. Or more than that, I wasnt allowed to be affected by the amazingness of Easter anymore. I was too old. Id heard it too many times. I needed to be there for my girls. I wasnt going to feel like I had in previous years. But God moves.
It wasnt long before my pride came crashing down. I was touched. In fact, more than ever before. God moves.
I found myself crying on more than one occassion, not for sadness or anger or pain, but because it was so evident that God was moving in peoples lives, even mine. I am being surprised time and time again by God. He is working miracles in my life, and in the lives of the people around me. The people I love.
Eastercamp got me so excited this year. I learnt that I'll never be too old to be touched by God. He'll never stop surprising me, amazing me, working in me. And I'll always be affected by Easter, and its not something to be ashamed of. I'll always be affected by His selfless act of love.

x becks

Behind the chocolate..

I had issues naming this post...hopefully it will make sense..

I love this time of year. Easter time I mean, not early to mid April in general. This week in the Christian calender is really exciting for me. Palm Sunday always makes me smile. Im always amazed at the love for Jesus in the story of Palm Sunday. That people would throw down anything they could so that the donkey carrying Jesus did not have to walk on the dusty ground. Its a time for celebration. A time for music and yelling and NOISE! The buzz from Palm Sunday usually lasts me until Thursday...until Friday comes. Although, amid the sadness of Jesus' death, I never feel as loved as I feel on Good Friday. The fact that Jesus, the Son of God, died for me...DIED for ME..it's just indescribable.

SO yes, I love Easter. Of course, I love chocolate (has anyone noticed that Easter egg chocolate tastes sooooo much better than normal everyday chocolate?), I love Easter camp, but most of all I love the fact that Jesus loves me more than anything else.

Have a good Easter everyone!

x becks

Study breaks in the park

By study break, I mean 3 hour break of doing nothing but blogging and facebooking between lectures. And by in the park, I mean at uni, on some grass.

Im sitting here, rather cold, missing the sun, in peace and quiet. It's kinda nice really. Except the cold part.
I've come to have a love hate relationship with Tuesdays. You see, Im at uni from 9am until 6pm, but only 4 of those hours are taken up by actual lectures (9-10, 12-1 and 4-6), so I get to sit for 5 hours pretending to do something productive, when really Im just on facebook or editing photos or something equally useless to my success. But sometimes, I love it. I love having the time to myself, time to think, time to talk to God, time to relax..to an extent. I think over the next six months, as uni gets more intense, I think I'll learn to appreciate this time more and more.

Battery running horribly low, so I must leave...only 2 and a half hours to go.

x becks

Getting lost in the sky...

I really love sunsets and sunrises, and Im slowly getting used to the fact that some days, I get to see both! Nothing cheers me up more when I leave for uni at 7am and know I wont be home for at least 13 hours. I like Tuesdays...I get to see both walking to and home from the busstop. It makes me smile.

Anyway, just wanted to share with you some of the beauty Ive seen in the last few weeks. I hope it makes you smile too :)

x becks

Whatever happened to sleep?

Nobody told me that my life would be over when I started uni! If Im not at uni, Im thinking about what I havent done, or how behind Im getting already. Im getting up at times I never even knew exsisted and getting next to no sleep. When will it end!!

OK rant over..

So I had a really cool weekend (little sleep involved however) at AYC camp 09! We went up to Whangaporoa for the weekend and sang lots, worked hard, laughed harder. It was very fun. Although it made me way too tired to be cutting up a knee joint on Monday morning. Yes, thats right, a knee joint. It was actually huge! But good fun none the less. I actually broke the scalple..my bad..I got another one :) The knee was much cooler than the leg bone from last week, and didnt smell at all! Bonus!

Anyway, I think I might go to sleep now. Looking forward to a sleep in tomorrow!

x becks

Man at the bus stop...

Now, I dont normally talk to men I dont know at the bus stop, but this was a particular exception..
On Wednesday afternoon, I was on my way to uni, waiting for the bus, when a man who would have to have been at least 70 sits down next to me and says hello. He asked if I was from Auckland or if I had moved here. I said Auckland. He said its sad that so many Aucklanders are moving away and so many foreigners moving in and it was nice to see someone still living here. A moment of silence passed. Then he started telling about how he used to work on the buses in the 70s and 80s. I told him that my Grandad used to work with on the buses and he asked what his name was. I said his name was Les Callaghan to which he replied "Oh Les! He was a very special man. It's nice to meet another Callaghan!"

This 70 year old man made my day. I hope hes at the busstop again this week!

In Loving Memory...

I woke up this morning to find my beloved fish, Chick, dead. He was the last of the originals (Chick and Duck - pictured) and left behind his friends Duck II and Squash. I guess it's back to the pet shop for me for a replacement Chick, for Duck is nothing without him...

Immuuuuuuuuuuuuuunity!!

To work in a hospital, I had to have an immunity test. Now, anyone that knows me, knows my feelings towards 3 inch pieces of steel being plunged into me. So I was getting really nervous about the results coming back. But yesterday, I talked myself into going and getting my results, only to be told that I have natural immunity..to everything..or everything they tested for..which was a lot. I get the impression this is not common..

Needless to say, I was pretty stoked. No needles for me. Which is great, coz I couldn't afford to pay someone $250 to use me as a pin cushion. Although, word has got out that there is a naturally immune nursing student around..Im getting pretty famous.

Well, I better get my naturally immune self off this computer and do something pracitical..

x Becks

Bones!!

Getting up at 6 on Monday morning isnt so bad when I get to play with bones!! On Monday in my Human Anatomy tutorial, I was given a leg bone from a cow (soaked in acid of course so all the skin was removed...and horizontallly cut in half...), a scalple, a pair of sharp scissors, tweezers, and an hour to....well...play! It was great fun..mine even had a ligament on it haha. I ended up scooping out all the bone marrow..in which I found some veins..I think..It was great fun.
So then..yes, theres more!!..then, I held a human skull!! So awesome! I was amazed at how thin the bone in your skull is..like seriously.
Anyway, that was my exciting Monday morning..hopefully next week will be as exciting!

The frist....

So I thought I'd start blogging...this should be fairly obvious..

So welcome everybody, you're all welcome!

x becks