The world that He created....

Just look at all those hungry mouths we have to feed.
Take a look at all the suffering we breed.
So many lonely faces scattered all around,
Searching for what they need.

Is this the world we created?
What did we do it for?
Is this the world we invaded?
Against the law?
So it seems in the end
Is this what we're all living for today?
The world that we created.

You know that every day a helpless child is born,
Who needs some loving care inside a happy home.
Somewhere a wealthy man is sitting on his throne,
Waiting for life to go by.

Is this the world we created?
We made it on our own.
Is this the world we devastated?
Right to the bone?
If there's a God in the sky looking down,
What can He think of what we've done
To the world that He created?

"Take a look at all the suffering we breed."
For me, this is the most powerful line in this song. Suffering that we, you and me, breed. Contribute to.
Overlook.

"Is this what we're all living for today? The world that we created?"
Are we living for ourselves?
Putting our own desires before the needs of others?
Living for us?

"...of the world that He created..."
It gets me everytime. Day to day, it's easy to forget that God created this all for us. He gave us this place and everything in it.
And this is what we've done with it.
Luckily He's a forgiving kind of guy.

You don't have to agree with me, but I do get frustrated with this world.
I get frustrated with poverty, and ingnorance towards it.
I get frustrated with greed, and the pride that goes with it.
I get frustrated at the media.
I get frustrated with myself.

I guess that's all from me tonight. This wasn't meant to turn into a rant, but it has, and I don't want to press the backspace button.
Something for you to think about anyway.


x becks.

I don't know what will happen this time next year, next month, next week, tomorrow. But I'm enjoying not knowing.


I don't know what God has in mind for me, but I trust He knows what He's doing.


I don't know who reads this blog, but I'll continue to write anyway, in the hope that someone is listening.


I don't know what uni will make of me, but I'm going to try my best to succeed.


I don't know why some things happen, but I trust that He has a reason.


I don't know how I'll be and what things I'll like in ten years, but change is good and should be welcomed and embraced.


I don't know what sort of world my children will grow up in, but as the song goes, He's got the whole world in His hands.


I don't know, but I'll take that in my stride, trusting, praying, and slowly working it all out, with His help.


x becks

Fill me...

Fill me to over flowing,
Fill me so I am broken.
With Your call, I give my all to You.
Fill me so I am
changed,
Fill me with Heavens ways.
Love for all, so all men might be
saved…

An awesome song, an awesome prayer.

This is a prayer I want on my heart as I prepare for my trip and as I travel to China. I want to be broken by Him, and rebuilt. I want to be filled with His ways, so that my work might just show His love to one person.

Possible?
Only with His help.

x becks

One year on...

Today marks one year since I arrived back from China. Who knew such an insignificant trip would turn out to be so significant...

The year following my short trip to China in April 2008 has impacted me more than the trip itself really...but it's only because of my trip that it's been so impacting. I hope that makes sense to you.

My time in China made isolated me, which was great, because all I could do was lean on God. I learnt to believe that I am blessed when leaning on God is my only option. Being isolated was really scary. I had nobody to really talk to, and was completely separated from everything I knew as normal. It really forced me to rely totally on God. And when I say totally...I mean totally. Who or what else did I have?

I got to see how "the other half" lived. It was the first time Id experienced true poverty, homelessnss and people selling themselves just to stay alive. Nobody should ever see the things I saw, let alone experienced them day to day. One of my most vivid memories of China is a walk I took along a river. On one side was a big tourist area, big buildings, shops. On the other were small huts made from..I dont know what...anything...and in the dirty river were the occupants of those huts, washing clothes, pots, and themselves. This image will no doubt stay in my mind forever, which, of course, isnt a bad thing.

Of course, these are the experiences of my time in China, but I think this last year has been even more impacting. Always having images like the one described above in my mind made me always focus on ways I could make change. At home in New Zealand. People have described me as more humble, compassionate and willing.

Coming home, I never expected to go back. I really didnt. But the last couple of months have seen me preparing for a return trip, starting this December. When I first felt..called, I guess...back, I was scared and angry. Scared of, well, everything that Id expereinced in my first trip. I didnt think I could handle seeing the poverty, the disparities, the sadness again. And angry at the fact that I was so affected by China, and the other 20 people who travelled with me werent. It was a "why me?" situation. Until I realised that, no Beckie, its not about you. You could say that going back is not God's decision for me, but rather my decision for God (thanks Charles..)

Now, I dont want to say that everything about the trip was depressing and unjust. I had a lot of fun, did some crazy things, and met some awesome people. For as much heartbreak I experienced, I also experienced joy. It wasnt all bad, and it definatly taught me a lot.

So one year on...Worth it? Most definatly. I wouldnt change my time in China for anything.

Life changing? More than words. Really.

Excited about returning? Feeling a mix of feelings, excitment is for sure one of them.

x becks

Feeling silly..

Do you ever have those moments when you go crazy over nothing...actually drive yourself nuts over something...blame yourself...even blame God...and then feel incredibly stupid the next day? I hate these moments, and I have them much too often. But recently, had a moment like this, and after feeling silly, felt really loved..here's why..
I got over the feeling silly pretty fast after this particular moment, and I went and read back in my prayer journal. It was actually almost funny seeing how..blameful (?) I was, especially at God. But I know God still loves me. Do you ever notice that you only get really angry at the people you really love? I must really love God sometimes. But no matter how many times I yell and scream and blame Him for everything that goes wrong, He still loves me. He still chases me. He still holds me, and always will. He doesnt love me because Im lovable, because lets face it...Im really not sometimes..He loves me because He is love..He cant help but love His children.
This thought is so encouraging..I hope this thought grabs me before I yell at God next time...not after the feeeling silly..

Smile. Jesus loves you :)

x becks

God moves..

Really. God moves.
If I didnt know it before, I surely know it now.
I fully had the best Eastercamp of my life this year. Im not sure what to put it down to, I think it was just a combination of everything. I went as a leader for the first time this year, which I think was pretty huge, not that I thought it was before I went. Leading up to camp, I thought because I was a leader, I wasnt going be touched. Or more than that, I wasnt allowed to be affected by the amazingness of Easter anymore. I was too old. Id heard it too many times. I needed to be there for my girls. I wasnt going to feel like I had in previous years. But God moves.
It wasnt long before my pride came crashing down. I was touched. In fact, more than ever before. God moves.
I found myself crying on more than one occassion, not for sadness or anger or pain, but because it was so evident that God was moving in peoples lives, even mine. I am being surprised time and time again by God. He is working miracles in my life, and in the lives of the people around me. The people I love.
Eastercamp got me so excited this year. I learnt that I'll never be too old to be touched by God. He'll never stop surprising me, amazing me, working in me. And I'll always be affected by Easter, and its not something to be ashamed of. I'll always be affected by His selfless act of love.

x becks

Behind the chocolate..

I had issues naming this post...hopefully it will make sense..

I love this time of year. Easter time I mean, not early to mid April in general. This week in the Christian calender is really exciting for me. Palm Sunday always makes me smile. Im always amazed at the love for Jesus in the story of Palm Sunday. That people would throw down anything they could so that the donkey carrying Jesus did not have to walk on the dusty ground. Its a time for celebration. A time for music and yelling and NOISE! The buzz from Palm Sunday usually lasts me until Thursday...until Friday comes. Although, amid the sadness of Jesus' death, I never feel as loved as I feel on Good Friday. The fact that Jesus, the Son of God, died for me...DIED for ME..it's just indescribable.

SO yes, I love Easter. Of course, I love chocolate (has anyone noticed that Easter egg chocolate tastes sooooo much better than normal everyday chocolate?), I love Easter camp, but most of all I love the fact that Jesus loves me more than anything else.

Have a good Easter everyone!

x becks

Study breaks in the park

By study break, I mean 3 hour break of doing nothing but blogging and facebooking between lectures. And by in the park, I mean at uni, on some grass.

Im sitting here, rather cold, missing the sun, in peace and quiet. It's kinda nice really. Except the cold part.
I've come to have a love hate relationship with Tuesdays. You see, Im at uni from 9am until 6pm, but only 4 of those hours are taken up by actual lectures (9-10, 12-1 and 4-6), so I get to sit for 5 hours pretending to do something productive, when really Im just on facebook or editing photos or something equally useless to my success. But sometimes, I love it. I love having the time to myself, time to think, time to talk to God, time to relax..to an extent. I think over the next six months, as uni gets more intense, I think I'll learn to appreciate this time more and more.

Battery running horribly low, so I must leave...only 2 and a half hours to go.

x becks

Getting lost in the sky...

I really love sunsets and sunrises, and Im slowly getting used to the fact that some days, I get to see both! Nothing cheers me up more when I leave for uni at 7am and know I wont be home for at least 13 hours. I like Tuesdays...I get to see both walking to and home from the busstop. It makes me smile.

Anyway, just wanted to share with you some of the beauty Ive seen in the last few weeks. I hope it makes you smile too :)

x becks