One year on...

Today marks one year since I arrived back from China. Who knew such an insignificant trip would turn out to be so significant...

The year following my short trip to China in April 2008 has impacted me more than the trip itself really...but it's only because of my trip that it's been so impacting. I hope that makes sense to you.

My time in China made isolated me, which was great, because all I could do was lean on God. I learnt to believe that I am blessed when leaning on God is my only option. Being isolated was really scary. I had nobody to really talk to, and was completely separated from everything I knew as normal. It really forced me to rely totally on God. And when I say totally...I mean totally. Who or what else did I have?

I got to see how "the other half" lived. It was the first time Id experienced true poverty, homelessnss and people selling themselves just to stay alive. Nobody should ever see the things I saw, let alone experienced them day to day. One of my most vivid memories of China is a walk I took along a river. On one side was a big tourist area, big buildings, shops. On the other were small huts made from..I dont know what...anything...and in the dirty river were the occupants of those huts, washing clothes, pots, and themselves. This image will no doubt stay in my mind forever, which, of course, isnt a bad thing.

Of course, these are the experiences of my time in China, but I think this last year has been even more impacting. Always having images like the one described above in my mind made me always focus on ways I could make change. At home in New Zealand. People have described me as more humble, compassionate and willing.

Coming home, I never expected to go back. I really didnt. But the last couple of months have seen me preparing for a return trip, starting this December. When I first felt..called, I guess...back, I was scared and angry. Scared of, well, everything that Id expereinced in my first trip. I didnt think I could handle seeing the poverty, the disparities, the sadness again. And angry at the fact that I was so affected by China, and the other 20 people who travelled with me werent. It was a "why me?" situation. Until I realised that, no Beckie, its not about you. You could say that going back is not God's decision for me, but rather my decision for God (thanks Charles..)

Now, I dont want to say that everything about the trip was depressing and unjust. I had a lot of fun, did some crazy things, and met some awesome people. For as much heartbreak I experienced, I also experienced joy. It wasnt all bad, and it definatly taught me a lot.

So one year on...Worth it? Most definatly. I wouldnt change my time in China for anything.

Life changing? More than words. Really.

Excited about returning? Feeling a mix of feelings, excitment is for sure one of them.

x becks