Silence

I love silence.



At Roskill, we start our services with a short time of silence (often too short..), and I love it. I love that, in silence, there is nothing else to do but listen. There are not many times during my week that I get to sit, in silence, totally focused, waiting on God. Actually, if I was honest, I can't remember the last time (outside the comforts of Roskill) I sat in total silence, and just...listened. Of course I have my quiet times, my Beckie and God time, but they're often not in total silence. I listen to music. Or sing. Or the TVs on in the next room. Or I listen to my own thoughts. But imagine how much more I'd hear, if all of that was taken away, and I was left with...nothing...





...stillness...






...silence.

Bricks

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door!
He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?"
The young boy was apologetic. "Please, mister .Please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do," He pleaded. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop..."
With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. "It's my brother," he said, "he rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."
Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."
Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay. "Thank you and may God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger.
Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home. It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him...
Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!

I was sent this by a friend this week, and I quite like it.
It made me think of all the times God has thrown bricks at me, because I'd missed his simple, loving, soft spoken words. Someone wise once described God as "subtle, but not malicious", and I find this to be spot on.
You might think of this as a far fetched, unrealistic, silly made up fairytale with a dumb moral. To be honest, I kind of did too at first. It is unrealistic. It is made up. It is far fetched. But the matter is, it's thought provoking. Mind boggling.
And the moral, well, it does make sense. To me, if nobody else.

"Beauty is one of those rare things that doesn't lead to doubt..."

I doubt.

But I love this.

If you know but at all, you'll know that I absoulutely love going for walks, taking photos, and just sitting in the presence of creation. And I think this is the reason.

I doubt. But the beauty of creation really is one of those things that rarely leads to doubt. And Im encouraged by this time and time again. Maybe that's why God made things so beautiful, coz He knew we'd screw up, He knew we'd live in a broken world, and He knew we'd need something to bring us home, bring us back to Him. I don't know what His reasons were. Hmmmm.

Anyway, I just wanted to share with you some of the beauty that He created.

x Becks

to the ends of the earth...

He said to them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will recieve power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

- Acts 1:7-8

Today I was criticised for the time I'm about to spend in China, working with children who can't go to school because they're deaf and the Chinese government won't let them. I've been told I'm not going to be supported because I'm going independantly, under the umbrella of an organisation that isn't specifically Christian.

So that pretty much sucked. Because reading this verse, I don't need to be with a Christian organisation to be a witness. As a Christian, I need to love Jesus and do everything in my power to share His love with those who have never had the oppourtunity to encounter Jesus. I didn't choose to be called to China, but I feel if that's where God has called me to for now, who am I to give Him conditions? When I gave everything over to God, it didn't come with "but only on the condition that...." That's not quite how it works.

As James* (and Brooke Fraser) said, faith without deeds is dead. I am saved by the grace of God, and I have total faith in Him, but that faith is indeed dead if I'm not proactive about it. If I focus myself on Him, live like Him and break with Him, "deeds" should come naturally. God doesn't give suggestions or ideas, He gives commands, and this most definately should be taken as one. As a Christian, I am called and commanded to serve not only Jesus, but His people, and in doing so, share His love.

I know that without support, I will never get to China so today has really upset me, I wanted nothing more but to up and leave then and there. But, more than anything, it's made me refocus on Him, and on the people of China, who really do need the oppourtunity to encounter Jesus.

* From James 2:14-26.

Also, the first words of James say "James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ...". I dream of the day I hear those words.

Also again, thanks to Bethany and Sam, who gave me these passages, and thoughts to go with them during my time in China 2008.

Lucky?

So today, thanks to the rain, maybe certain choices I made today, but more likely because of my own stupidity, I had an unfortunate experience.

This morning I chose to into uni to go to the last optional tutorial before my exam.

This morning I chose to bus, not drive, so mum didnt have to bike in the rain.

This morning I chose to wear boots, not my chucks, as I very nearly did.

And then, this afternoon, I got off the bus at White Swan Road, and chose to cross the road behind the bus, as I normally do. There was a small truck coming around the corner, but I cross here all the time, and I thought I had time to get across the road.


BUT THEN.. halfway across White Swan Road, I tripped over the tie on my boots that I had chosen to wear, sending my computer flying, landing almost on the opposite footpath, my 1000kg textbook almost as far, and I was, well....faceplanted the concrete, leaving me in the middle of White Swan Road, not able to get up, with a small truck coming around the corner. To be honest, I cant even remember falling, but I did.

Thankfully, the truck stopped in time, honked at me, slowly passed me and carried on his way. The car behind him stopped and got out to help me. Also, a nice old Asian (YUSSSSS) man, who had gotten off the bus at the same time, ran to my aid. With their help, I got to the other side of the road (off course, picking up all my things on the way), and I rang my dad and asked him to come and pick me up.

I got home, cried, had a shower, changed my clothes, cried some more and inspected the newly injured parts of my body...

Right ankle - sore and swollen, but okay.
Right knee - bruised and a bit swollen, but okay.
Left knee - has another knee growing on it..not really, just a very large bump, bruised, and very sore, but okay (?)
Left elbow - cut open, still bleeding, and swollen, but okay.

So really, Im very lucky.

This small truck very nearly hit me, and although didnt stop to see if I was alright, he DID stop.
Some good samaritans took time out of their days to see to me, making sure I was okay, and waiting for my dad to come and get me.
My five month old laptop is a bit dented, but everything seems to working, with no important files lost.
Im bruised and sore, but nothing serious. Im okay.

So there you are, another episode in Beckie attempting to cross the road. Im lucky it ended how it did. Im sore, and really shaken, but Im okay.

x becks

Things that make me smile...

Laughing so hard it hurts.

A hot shower.

Taking photos.

No lines at the supermarket.

A special glance.

Getting mail.

Music.

Taking a drive on a pretty road.

Hearing an old favourite song on the radio.

Hot towels fresh from the dryer.

China.

Vanilla milkshakes.

True justice.

Giggling.

Crying from laughing so hard.

Having a good idea.

A good, open and honest conversation.

Worship.

Finding money in my pocket.

Laughing at myself.

Seeing God work in people's lives.

Realsing God's work in my life.

Being accepted.

Going on a spontaneous adventure.

Building sandcastles.

You.

Looking back and remembering where I've come from.

Autumn leaves.

Weddings.

Clear, fine winter days.

Midnight phone calls that last for hours.

Running through sprinklers.

Laughing for absolutely no reason.

Rainbows.

Kids.

Coming home after a long time away.

Having someone tell me I'm beautiful.

Friends.

Inside jokes.

Reading old notes.

Lilies.

Accidentally hearing someone say something nice about me.

Telling stories.

Remembering something completely random from years ago.

Walking in the rain.

Or just walking.

Sundays.

Waking up and realising I have a few more hours to sleep.

New sheets.

Having someone play with my hair.

Creation.

Sweet dreams.

Hot chocolate.

Road trips.

Swings.

Making cookies.

Grace.

Writing a song.

Watching the stars.

Running into an old friend and realising some things never change.

Driving with no destination in mind.

Watching the sunrise.

Knowing that someone misses me.

Being forgiven.

Overcoming fear.

Getting a hug from someone I deeply care about.

Knowing I’ve done the right thing.

Seeing the world from someone else's perspective.

Wisdom...?

My first wisdom tooth emerged this week, after 18 months torture, but I don't feel any wiser...am I meant to?

I still struggle with my 'imaginary audience', sometimes think about who might be watching me and what they think about me.

I still get worked up about the little things, make mountains out of molehills.

I still sometimes turn a blind eye to the important things, purely out of fear.

I still look at outward appearance, and then hate myself for it.

I still feel useless sometimes.

I still cry.

I still seek to serve myself.

I still yell and scream at God, when I know He knows me better than I know myself, and He loves me more than I could ever understand.

I'm still growing, hoping that one day, I might be called wise.

Of course, I'm just having a good rant at myself, I don't intend to offend anyone. I don't expect anybody to really listen, or read and think about it. Just merely thinking out loud.