Remembering China

Tonight, for no particular reason, Im sitting on my bed with all the letters and notes and cards written to me when I left for China sprawled out in front of me. Some of them Ive only read a couple of times. Some of them Ive read more times than I can count. But tonight, re-reading each and every one of them, Ive once again been brought to tears remembering the journey to China and back. As wise words and prayers stare back at me, Im reminded of all the people so perfectly placed around me that gave everything to support me. Im reminded of people I forgot about because I was always too busy thinking about other things. Im reminded of the feeling I got as I watched everything I was worried about so perfectly fall into place with perfect timing. Im reminded of the time when I was so scared of leaving my life here in NZ to serve Jesus in the stunningly beautiful country of China.

And then, as I turn the pages of my photo journal, Im reminded of the rollercoaster it was, from feeling so homesick and miserable the day I landed in Beijing, to falling in love with the kids of Bethel, to never wanting to leave when I was actually face with having to leave. Im reminded of all the funny things the kiddies did, and all the questions they asked. Im reminded of their faces, their smiles, their laughs, their mannerisms, their unique-ness. Im reminded of the many adventures we went on in Beijing, the proposals, the markets, the colours. Im reminded of how it felt to love people for no other reason than them being children of God.

Tonight I think Ive finally come to the realization that China is always going to be a part of me. That Im always going to have moments when I think of it, miss it, and have a good cry about it. That its okay to not get over it, in fact, its important that I dont get over it. That I'll never forget it, and part of my heart will always be at Bethel with those kids.

"I know this experience is going to impact you for the rest of your life and although you may think you are going to impact China, I pray she will also impact you."

(in a letter from a friend. 18.november.2009)

Reading this way back then, I never imagined just how much China would impact me, but I am so so thankful for how things turned out in the end. I guess thats just another reminder that Jesus knows my heart better than I do.