The Power of the Cross

In the back of my book is written:

"I am only able to share these stories now because of the reminder I was given at Easter time this year. I'd been carrying around all the hurt and shame and suffering and pain from my time in China, but I was gently reminded that through His brutal death, I dont have to carry it around with me anymore.
Its not mine to carry.
Jesus already took the beating for me.
The fight has already been fought. The battle has already been won."


* * *

"What can take a dying man and raise him up to life again?
What can heal a wounded soul?
What can make us white as snow?
What can fill the emptiness?
What can heal the brokeness?
Brokeness...

What restores our faith is God?
What reveals the Fatehr's love?
What can lead the wayward home?
What can melt a heart of stone?
What can free the guilty ones?
What can save and overcome?
Overcome...

Mighty.
Awesome.
Wonderful
is the holy cross.
Where the lamb laid down his life,
to lift us from the fall.
Mighty is the power of the cross."


I love the simplicity of this song.
It only because of Jesus' scarifice on the cross that we are able to live now,
and forever.
Just like it says:
Where the lamb laid down his life,
to lift us from the fall.
Coz without him laying down his life,
his everything,
we too would be dead.
Thank you Jesus.

Remembering China

Tonight, for no particular reason, Im sitting on my bed with all the letters and notes and cards written to me when I left for China sprawled out in front of me. Some of them Ive only read a couple of times. Some of them Ive read more times than I can count. But tonight, re-reading each and every one of them, Ive once again been brought to tears remembering the journey to China and back. As wise words and prayers stare back at me, Im reminded of all the people so perfectly placed around me that gave everything to support me. Im reminded of people I forgot about because I was always too busy thinking about other things. Im reminded of the feeling I got as I watched everything I was worried about so perfectly fall into place with perfect timing. Im reminded of the time when I was so scared of leaving my life here in NZ to serve Jesus in the stunningly beautiful country of China.

And then, as I turn the pages of my photo journal, Im reminded of the rollercoaster it was, from feeling so homesick and miserable the day I landed in Beijing, to falling in love with the kids of Bethel, to never wanting to leave when I was actually face with having to leave. Im reminded of all the funny things the kiddies did, and all the questions they asked. Im reminded of their faces, their smiles, their laughs, their mannerisms, their unique-ness. Im reminded of the many adventures we went on in Beijing, the proposals, the markets, the colours. Im reminded of how it felt to love people for no other reason than them being children of God.

Tonight I think Ive finally come to the realization that China is always going to be a part of me. That Im always going to have moments when I think of it, miss it, and have a good cry about it. That its okay to not get over it, in fact, its important that I dont get over it. That I'll never forget it, and part of my heart will always be at Bethel with those kids.

"I know this experience is going to impact you for the rest of your life and although you may think you are going to impact China, I pray she will also impact you."

(in a letter from a friend. 18.november.2009)

Reading this way back then, I never imagined just how much China would impact me, but I am so so thankful for how things turned out in the end. I guess thats just another reminder that Jesus knows my heart better than I do.

On its way....

"A Mile Towards China: a recollection by Rebekah Callaghan", is on its way, I promise. I have had the draft copies for nearly two weeks now, and theres a lot of excitement surrounding the whereabouts of the final copy. The story is...now that its all worked out, permissions are sorted, re-editting is done...Im terrrified. Yup..

I was honestly more excited than Ive ever ever been in my entire life when I got the draft. It was a real book! Of my story! But then suddenly, after the most important permissions were sorted, I got scared. Suddenly the whole thing became much bigger than I had ever anticipated. People I hardly knew were hearing about it, asking about it, wanting to read it. Friends of friends of friends wanting a piece of it. I never ever imagined it being this big, and its made me stop in my tracks. These are some of my biggest secrets, stuff I still struggle with. I'm being pulled in opposite directions. I'm facing a massive dichotomy, wanting so badly to share my story with the world, but being equally terrified of sharing my story. So this is an apology for the delay in getting the book out, Im just getting my head around it myself first.

It's coming, I promise.

I come before, before you now,

and I lay my burdens down.

Prince of peace,

Councillor,

Son of the Father I adore.

I love you Lord,

Youre all I have.

Youre all I ever really want.

Youre face is all I seek.

You put a new song in my heart.

A song of praise to you, oh Lord.

And I will worship all my life,

trusting the Lord.

Hallelujah!

This song is about the most special song in the world to me. This song was being played when I met Jesus for the very first time. Thats a little bit beside the point, but this song, in all its simplicity, never ever ceases to amaze me and bring me back to where I should be.

Coming before God, bearing all, raw and honest, laying everything you have in front of Him, is not always an easy task aye. I struggle with it day by day. I like to take control of things. I like to twist things to turn out how I want them to. But like, if I cant trust that He who created me and my heart with such care and precision has written me a unique and beautiful life story, then what does that make me? A hypocrite? When I do swallow my pride (and I find myself doing this repeatedly) and lay everything down, it really is that hallelujah feeling this song portrays so well.

This song continues to bring me to tears, every single time I hear it. Partly because it is such a massive part of my story, but also just because of how it shows the love that is Jesus Christ. That all it takes is for us to lay ourselves in front on Him, and He will put a song in our hearts, a beautiful transformation that can only come for our creator.

Apologies for taking song lyrics and passages from books lately to write on, its just that...I have lots to say, but others tend to say it better.

If I was a flower growing wild and free,

all I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.

And if I was a tree growing tall and green,

all I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves.

All I want is you, will you be my bride?

Take me by the hand and stay by my side.

All I want is you, will you stay with me?

Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,

The rumble of your water would be my call.

And if you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow,

just as long as you were with me when the cold winds blow.

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod.

If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod .

If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug,

and if you were a kiss I know I'd be a hug.

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.

If you were the love, I'd be the desire.

If you were a castle, I'd be the moat

and if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float...

Freaken cutest song ever.

Its keeping me happy through my hideous study.

Loving it!

Thankful

I keep a prayer journal. I don't think thats a huge surprise to anybody. And usually, it's filled with rants and sadness and suffering and crying out to Jesus to take things away or fix things or asking why me.

Thats kind of always bothered me, the fact that we often will go to Jesus more when life sucks, and not just for the sake of praising him.

But lately, Jesus has been doing some fairly epic stuff, and Im finding myself pouring my heart out to Him, as usual, but in thanks and gratitude and honour and praise. I dont think we do it enough aye, I mean all I have to do is scroll down this page and I can see endless things to thank Him for...

Thanks for Luke, and everything that goes with him - his health, his orphanage, the fact that the people who took him in love Jesus and can teach him about His love.

Thanks for the privelege of study, that I can go to uni and do these essays and read these book, no matter how depressing it is sometimes. I have the freedom to go to school.

Thanks for my nan, and the rest of my family, and my friends who love me, and make me laugh so so much.

Thanks for the fact that I can finally talk about China. Thanks for China, and everything He did for me there, and since.

Thanks for Easter, and for the price of death He paid. And thanks for being able to spend that time in Perth this year with two of my most favourite people in the world.

Thanks for all the things on that list that make me smile so much.

And thats just this page! It seems ridiculous that we dont thank Jesus for the big stuff, let alone the little stuff. Seriously, I go to sleep so content after pouring out my gratitude to Him every night. Its a wonderful feeling.

Luke

This is Luke.

He was born with a severe heart defect.

He was abandoned.

And lived close to death because he couldnt have medical treatment.

He was taken in by Bill and Lynsay Lewis who run Morning Star Project in Beijing, an independent orphanage,

and a few weeks ago was taken to Israel to have surgery.

Look at him now.

Unfortunately, the weekend I was to go and meet Luke and the other babies, the blizzard hit and we were evacuated.

But he has captured my heart.

He's so precious.

And one day soon, I will see him face to face.

Life and Death in Intensive Care (not for the faint hearted)

"How does one twist her brain around the situation of a man, admitted beacause of an automobile accident (MVA), who is HIV positive with seriousrenal disease, previously treated by the Veteran's Administration, who now rufuses all future responsibility for him? How about a young man found with crack cocaine in his blood and multiple gunshot wounds, who had buckshot in his body from a previous incident? Or a schizophrenic burn patient who had poured gasoline on herself and set it on fire and who, some years earlie, had been found not guilty by reason of insanity of an attempt to cut the throat of her three-year-old? Or a woman, on the way to her mother's house to attend a birthday party for her son, whose car was hit by a truck , killing her boyfriend and two of her three children? Or an 85-year-old MVA victim, who the doctors say is "doing well", which means she can be released into a nursing home? Is that doing well? Who decides what is a "good result"?

(from "Life and Death in Intensive Care" by Joan Cassell)

While researching for an essay this week, I stumbled across this book. Im only a few pages in, but the stories are intoxicating. As much as I am (a little) terrified of what's around the corner for me in nursing, this is actually making me more excited by the day. To have some sort of input, to invest in some way into someone's life when their worst moments are realised....isn't that something worth getting excited for?

Pumped.

on a lighter note...

A story from my week...

Last night my very hip Nan txted me (yes, my 71 year old Nan txts and..wait for it...is on facebook..) casually informing me that she had just had her "very first meat and potato dinner" in a few weeks since shes been sick, but shes "better now". That was nice, a very "Nanny txt". So after making a scene about how cool my Nan was, I got ANOTHER txt. It was again from my Nan, but informing me that "sorry, that txt wasnt meant for you", she meant to send it to my cousin.

Yup, sassed by my 71 year old Nan...over txt. I laughed.

Breaking barriers!

Tonight I had the oppurtunity to share a teeny tiny little iddie biddie bit about China. And I took it. Yes, thats right, tonight, I spoke the word "China" in front of more than three people.

The story I told:
In late-ish December, a friend of mine, Eve, emailed me about a song she had found called "I Will Exalt You" (which tonight, I got to lead in worship -- the fuel for telling the story, of course!). At that time, I was surrounded with huge amounts of great suffering, absolutely phenomenal, mind blowing stuff. At that time, I was struggling and I wanted nothing more than to come home to comfortable ol' enzed. But this song came at the perfect time. Some of the lyrics say:

"my hiding place, my safe refuge, my treasure Lord, you are. My friend and King, anointed one, most holy. Because you are with me, I will not fear."

We all suffer, lets be honest. Life really does suck sometimes. In China, I was faced with a great deal of suffering, but that is never a reason to not worship our God, because He is the only constant thing we have in this uncontrollable crazy thing called life.

* * *

So sharing that was like standing on top of the big pile of rubble that once was the barrier stopping me even mentioning China to anybody. I am on top of that pile of rubble now, saying "there is nothing holding me back now, Jesus has won this battle".

Its a good feeling :)