Signs of Summer

1. I'm peeling from sunburn

2. I watched the sunset at 8pm

3. Stone fruit

4. I haven't worn jeans in about 10 days

5. Auckland temperatures start with a 2

6. Tan lines

7. Not having to use my duvet

8. I can (almost) count the number of days left of uni on one hand

9. Christmas decorations in the shops

10. I don't have to put my ice cream in the microwave to soften it

11. I can't remember being this warm, although of course I have, it was just forever ago

12. Sunglasses

13. Wasps

14. The Air-Con is nearly always on in my car

15. It hasn't rained for AGES

16. There are 15 hours of sunlight a day

17. I contemplate swimming on a regular basis

18. My hair seems a lighter shade of brown

19. I'm sewing more dresses

20. I go to Perth in 18 sleeps, and have been looking forward to THAT for what seems like forever

It's going to be a good one, and I'm excited!!

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

"Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help."

Humbled.

I worry a lot, quite often about things that I can't change. I waste a lot of worry, and I know this. But last night, after having a bit of a melt down with a non Christian friend of mine, he said..

"God has a plan for you"

And I laughed. I thought he was taking the mickey. But then he said..

"If I believed someone had a plan for me, I don't know how I could worry and stuff."

I was so humbled by this. I hope I can keep this trust in the front of my mind, especially in the foreseeable future.

Empathy.

"A sense of shared experience, including emotional and physical feelings, with someone or something other than oneself."

"Understanding or entering into another's feelings."

"The intellectual identification of thoughts, feelings, or state of another person."

"The capacity to share another being's emotions and feelings."

Hurting because you're hurting.

Today's fight

Teach me, good Lord, to serve thee more faithfully;

to give and not count the cost;

to fight and not not heed the wounds;

to toil and not to seek for the rest;

to labour and not ask for any reward;

knowing that I am in your will,

for it's the safest place I will ever find myself.

Still Be My Vision, Whatever Befall.

Be Thou my vision, oh Lord of my heart,

Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.

Thou my best thoughts, by day or by night,

waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be thou my wisdom, and Thou my true word,

I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord.

Thou my great Father, I Thy true son,

Thou in me dwelling and I with Thee one.

Riches I heed not nor man's empty praise.

Thou mine inheritance, now and always.

Thou and thou only first in my heart,

High King of heaven my treasure Thou are.

High King of heaven, my victory won.

May I reach heaven's joy, Oh bright heaven's sun,

Heart of my own heart whatever befall,

Still be my vision, O Ruler of all.

May I still seek after Him, whatever befall me

Dear Me, Sincerely Me.

It's funny being scared of things that people have been doing for thousands of years.

Like, some people are scared of dying, but everybody (well, almost...) who has lived has gone through it.

So, Beckie, are you going to jump? People have been doing it for generations, and yes its scary, but are you going to let that stop you?

You're not the only one to have ever felt like this, so take the leap. You might surprise yourself.

100

Happy 100th post.

Have I really had that much to say?

Incredible.

Thanks for listening so far.

Theres so much more to come.

prayers

I love reading back previous prayers I've written, like letters to God. I stumbled across this one, dated September 8th of this year.

"I don't want to be disappointed ever. But life is so full of disappointment...

Protect my heart.

I know deep deep down that you are sovereign, I have experienced that, but I really just want to FEEL again.

Really FEEL.

Feel You.

I know you love me, more than I could ever know, and you must break when you see me like this, but I don't know what to do. I feel like ripping this page out, screwing it up and throwing it in the air for you to catch and deal with.

Come and hold my hand again.

Melt my heart again."

It sucks that sometimes we must feel like this. Totally helpless and without any hope. But it's also awesome that we have a God who created the entire universe and everything in it, and yet who loves us each so deeply, whos heart breaks with ours, and whos arms are always wide open.

Hello

I've often said that the word tomorrow is quite possibly the scariest word in the English language. It implies that we can put would be traumatic experiences into the uncontrollable abyss we like to call the future.

But in saying that, I think that the word hello is definitely the most powerful word in the English language. Where would we be if we never said hello? There are some pretty epic people in the world that I never would have met if I didn't have the courage to say hello.

I find it's the simplest words in our language that mean the most. Words like thank you, love, remember, found, belong, true, smile, home, worth, dream, colour, seek, try, real, here and free. Sometimes when I write, I have this mindset that I have to use big, long, fancy words that, when people read them, they have to google them just to find out their meaning. I forget that the best words are the small forgotten, everyday words.

My eighteen year old self

Yesterday I read a book called "What I Wish I knew at Eighteen". It quoted various people's answers to the question:

If you had the chance, what would you tell your eighteen year old self?

And it had me thinking. So I'm just days away from entering my twenties, and so eighteen is all that long ago, BUT it's still long enough to make me want to give my eighteen year old self some advice. So what would I tell my eighteen year old self?

Don't give your heart away so readily.

That's all.

I don't need to have been in dozens of meaningless relationships to give pieces of my heart away. Pieces of my heart are given away every time I open my heart to someone, as soon as I make yourself vulnerable. Don't get me wrong, that can be a good thing - a very good thing - but my heart doesn't belong to just anybody.

Hopefully I can keep my heart a bit more guarded as I explore my twenties.

His Strength is Perfect

I can do all things

Through Christ who gives me strength,

But sometimes I wonder what He can do through me;

No great success to show, No glory on my own,

Yet in my weakness He is there to let me know

His strength is perfect when our strength is gone;

He’ll carry us when we can’t carry on.

Raised in His power, the weak become strong;

His strength is perfect, His strength is perfect.

We can only know

The power that He holds

When we truly see how deep our weakness goes;

His strength in us begins

Where ours comes to an end.

He hears our humble cry and proves again

His strength is perfect.

October is turning to be more of a monster than I expected.

I'm learning, or trying, to hold onto His strength rather than my own. My own is not enough. I don't think we can truly understand how powerful His strength is until we realise how deep our weaknesses are.

This week...

"He said to them: it is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will recieve power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

- Acts 1:7-8

This passage became very special to me in the time I was preparing to go to China last year. Every time I was unsure, every time something went wrong (and lets face it, lots of things did!), every time I felt opposition or attack. It was always there, gently reminding me that my Father had perfect timing, and was walking with me every step of the way. And now, I'm suddenly brought back to that verse. Perfect timing....perfect timing is what I keep coming back to, and I don't know WHY!!!

I really wish sometimes that my heart was unbreakable. That way, I wouldn't be so scared of life. I'd jump so much more often. But then again, I'd never feel the deepest human emotion, and that's a pretty cool thing to be able to do.

October, you're a big month

This morning I was woken up by a txt from my loving friend Sam Weston. It read:

"You're 20 this month!!! Enjoy your last 9 days before your teenage years go away and never come back. Love you"

To which I replied:

"1. It's 8 days. And 2. Shut up, thats not funny"

Oh October, you're a big month. As if losing my adolescence and entering my 20's all in the same day isn't enough, there are other possibly life altering events looming in your days.

I know that I have to pass through you before getting to November, please be kind to me.