Just keep on walking.

Sam looked at him and wept in his heart, but no tears came to his dry and stinging eyes,

"I said I'd carry him, if it broke my back",

he muttered,

"and I will!'

-Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

Jesus loves me this much, and so much more.

He is weeping in His heart as He watches me struggle, but Hid heart is leaping for joy every time I smile.

He's carrying me, and He will never stop.

So encouraging.

I just gotta keep on walking.

Unbreakable

My heart is not unbroken.

It never has been, and it never will be.

And as I contemplate the scariness of it all,

I realise that a life without risk is not a life,

and I take the jump.

I can't say what's around the corner,

but that doesn't mean I don't want to find out.

Because I do.

I really do.

My heart is not unbroken.

It never has been and it never will be.

But as I contemplate the scariness of it all,

I realise that it's definitely worth the risk.

I'm ready for this leap.

Re-intrigued

I'm finally getting excited about my research again.

I'm looking into death, and what happens to us in our last moments here, and our first moments eternally. Its captivating.

I started off really excited about it, then, like everything else, for a few weeks was really unmotivated about it all and tried to forget about it. But today, Im suddenly finding myself re-intrigued with it all.

And Im so EXCITED! Makes a change from the excitement towards finishing uni for the year, for so long Ive yearned for this feeling. THIS feeling that I have right now. I hope I can keep it up for the next six weeks!

His eyes

Sometimes His eyes are gentle

And filled with laughter,

And sometimes they cry;

Sometimes there is a fire

Of Holy anger,

In Jesus’ eyes.

But the eyes that saw hope in the hopeless,

That saw through the fault to the need,

Are the same eyes that look down from Heaven

Into the deepest part of you and me.

His eyes are always upon you;

His eyes never close in sleep.

And no matter where you go,

You will always be in His eyes, in His eyes.

Sometimes His voice comes calling

Like rolling thunder,

Or like driving rain;

And sometimes His voice is quiet,

And we start to wonder

If He knows our name.

But He who spoke peace to the water

Cares more for our hearts than the waves,

And the voice that once said "You’re forgiven",

Still says "You’re forgiven" today.

Sometimes I look above me when stars are shining

And I feel so small;

How could the God of heaven and all creation

Know I’m here at all?

But then in silence He whispers,

"My child, I created you too

And you’re my most precious creation;

I even gave my Son for you."

Psalm 33:13-15, Prov 15:3

His eyes are watching me, always.

Ups and Downs

Life is very up and down.

For a long time Ive felt quite displaced and unsettled where I am and what I am doing. And its a really horrible feeling.

But I think whats worse is that I don't know where the feeling is originated. Like...if its a reaction to the cold, and muscle memory of China. Or me really missing people overseas. Or ACTUALLY God preparing me for something I can't see yet.

Whatever it is, its very...hard, and I would really appreciate knowing the reason for it.

More to this life.

Today I watched in silence as people passed me by,

And I strained to see if there was something hidden in their eyes;

But they all looked at me as if to say

Life just goes on.

The old familiar story told in different ways,

Make the most of your own journey from the cradle to the grave;

Dream your dreams tomorrow because today

Life must go on.

But there’s more to this life than living and dying,

More than just trying to make it through the day;

More to this life, more than these eyes alone can see,

And there’s more than this life alone can be.

Tonight he lies in silence staring into space,

And looks for ways to make tomorrow better than today,

But in the morning light it looks the same;

Life just goes on.

He takes care of his family, he takes care of his work,

And every Sunday morning he takes his place at the church;

And somehow he still feels a need to search,

But life just goes on.

But there’s more to this life than living and dying,

More than just trying to make it through the day;

More to this life, more than these eyes alone can see,

And there’s more than this life alone can be.

So where do we start to find every part

Of what makes this life complete;

If we turn our eyes to Jesus we’ll find

Life’s true beginning is there at the cross where He died.

He died to bring us..

More to this life than living and dying,

More than just trying to make it through the day;

More to this life, more than these eyes alone can see,

And there’s more than this life alone can be.

About six months ago, a wise friend warned me not to stop living my life, not to let my life stop while waiting for something else. And at that time I took that advice. But lately, it hasn't been a great secret that I have been feeling somewhat displaced where I currently am. It's scary to say the least, but just unsettling more than anything.

But this song. This song is so beautiful. I only came across it this week, and I can't get it out of my head.

Life must go on.

I can't sit around just waiting impatiently for my something awesome. To feel complete. To feel like life is starting. Because life for me started almost 20 years ago. There is more to this life we have than just living day to day. That's not a life. And, what I'm learning more and more each day, there's so much more to life than what I can see. By myself, I am nothing. But He sees so much more, an entire eternity.

He is the only thing that can make my life complete.

Dear Beckie,

I watch you looking out across the raging water
So sure your only hope lies on the other side
You hear the enemy that's closing in around you
And I know that you don't have the strength to fight
But do you have the faith to stand

And believe me now?
Believe me here?
Remember all the times I've told you loud and clear
I am with you and I am for you
So believe me now
Believe me now.

I am the One who waved my hand and split the ocean
I am the One who spoke the words and raised the dead
And I've loved you long before I set the world in motion
I know all the fears you're feeling now
But do you remember who I am?

Believe me now
Believe me here
Remember all the times I've told you loud and clear
I am with you
And I am for you

So believe me now
Believe it's true
I never have, I never will abandon you
And the God that I have always been
I will forever be
So believe me now

I am the God who never wastes a single hurt that you endure
My words are true, and all my promises are sure
So believe me now.

Dear God,

I'm sorry we haven't talked as much as I usually like to. Like, actually talk to you. I know that I'm still writing, but I miss the days of crawling into bed at night and spending time with you. It's not that I haven't wanted to, it's just that I haven't...almost like I haven't been able to bring myself to you lately. I'm not motivated. I'm not motivated for anything at the moment, it's such an unsettling feeling. I feel like I'm just meandering through days...like I'm merely wandering through life, when ideally I should be, and would like to be, wondering through life.

Today was a good day. Thank you for that. Thank you for the people you've so carefully place around me, who love me, and, through my faults and failures and human-ness, always always will. And thank you for time. Time to spend investing in relationships. Time is so cool.

You know what I love, Father? The fact that you know my heart better than I ever will. You created it, after all. And that you see so much more than I do. And that you do your best to gently whisper things to me, and when I don't hear, or choose not to listen, you whisper things loudly, and you don't stop until I hear, or I choose to listen.

I don't understand a lot. I say silly things. I'm sometimes a few sandwiches short of a picnic. But you love me. You love me. And you know me. You know me. And I know that you're always waiting, with arms wide open for me run to.

I'm running. As fast as I can.