While in China...

Today is THE day, I fly out to China TODAY, no more sleeps, no more waiting, today this actually happens.

So for those of you who follow kaleidoscope, I hope to update this fairly regularly so keep on checking, although email will be a safer way to communicate so if you would like email updates of my time in China, flick me an email at beckie.ruth1@gmail.com and I'll add you to that list.

Watch this space...

Becks

God is good!

Today, 15 days before I fly out for China, I have absolutely confirmed work for the time I am there.

Not only that, I have a place to live and I will be working directly with a couple of Christians.

Its funny, I just finished talking to somebody (literally 10 minutes ago) about how the thought of going to a unfamiliar country, not speaking the language, not having anywhere to live, or anything to do didnt scare me at all. The reason for this was that everything leading up to this has been so affirming and there was no doubt in my mind that God was going to provide for me.

I had this weird sense of peace in knowing that I was following in obedience, not delighting in my own desires. Being willing is an odd concept I feel. It doesnt at all mean that Im going to be content in everything God calls me to do.

Jesus says in Luke..

"Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine."

What would it be like to be this willing?!

I will definatly talk about this more when I have gotten my head around how amazingly perfect it is, and also in a place where it cannot be read.

This is very exciting.

God is good.

YOU

To be like You, is I want Lord

To be like You, is what I ask for

To be like You, is what Im longing for

coz at the end of the road, this is what will remain...

To love like You, is what I want Lord

To love like You, is what I ask for

To love like You, is what Im longing for

coz at the end of the day, this is what will remain...

YOU, are what I want Lord

YOU, are what I ask for

YOU, are what Im longing for

coz at the end of the day, this is what will remain...

...you.

If only I could sing this honestly, with pure intentions. Some days I can. Although, some days I can't.

To be like Him, to love like Him, what an honour. If only I could swallow my pride, ditch my prejudice and actually love like Him.

Coz at the end of the day, He will reamain, not material possessions, not the world, not me, but Him.

* Song: "You" by Rebecca St. James

Lately

It never ceases to amaze me how, when our trust in placed in Him, and when everything seems to go so horribly wrong, somehow things turn out so much more amazing than they would have if our own selfish plans went ahead as we planned.

But in saying this, it never ceases to amaze me how frustrated I get, how upset and angry I get, how abusive I get time and time again when things dont go my way, even though I've seen His work so often in my own life and in the lives of those around me.

I can say things like "it's okay, God's in control and I trust that everything turn out fine" and "this doesnt worry me at all, God will make everything better" but in reality, Im human and what Im saying and what Im really thinking are two very different things.

So why then does God continue to love me, to comfort me, to guide me and to provide for me? Im not lovable, Im not even close to perfect, Im disgustingly human, yet He doesnt give up, doesnt let go of me.

God's unfailing, never ending, unconditional love for me, just as I am, through my faults and constant failures, through my weaknesses and mistakes, through my anger and abuse never ceases to amaze me.

He, the creator of the universe and everything that exsists in it, the Son of God, loves me.

How exciting is that?!

Sometimes life just sucks...

Pretty much,

China has fallen apart this week.

But

as much as it sucks for me,

as upset as I am,

as much as I just want to give up,

It's just impossible

for me

to imagine

what it must be like

for all the little kiddies in China

who have been

abandoned.

Sorry I have to be vague...ask me what the story is offline.

Beckie is going to China!

An update on the last post ("An Elephant-sized hiccup")....

I've just got home from the Chinese Embassy again, and my visa has been approved. oh yeah. I had an enormous amount of txt messages this morning (and a lovely anonymous comment on my last post...thanks...) wishing me luck and sending prayers and love, and it's so been felt today. The relief is HUGE...like actually. There's only the little twiddly bits left to sort, and then just turning up at the airport. The waiting is killing me.

I know that the chances of nothing else going wrong in the next 64 days are slim, but I have no doubt in my mind that everything will be ready to go in time. That's an encouraging thought.

Love,
Becks

An elephant-sized hiccup...

I have to be careful about what I say so bear with me...

I leave for China in 10 weeks (71 days actually...but who's counting..), and everything seemed to be going really smoothly. There's only really been a few little bumps along the way, but nothing too stressful..
Now I only have two things left to sort, the two things that I thought would be the easiest. 1. Insurance. And 2. my visa. I havent even really thought about insurance but got onto applying for my visa as soon as I could really.
BUT Im having mega ultra huge issues with getting my visa approved, which is actually about the worst thing that could happen. No visa, no entering China.

I can't be too specific here, but you can ask me (not on the internet) later if you wish and I'll fill you in.

You're support so far has been flippin' amazing. Actually. I have no doubt that this is what Im meant to be doing, and definately where Im meant to be right now, so theres no doubt in my mind that I'll get past this in time.

Love you all this much *stretches arms out as far as they will go*,
becks xx