Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Home

"There were times I ran to hide,
Afraid to showthe other side.
Alone in the night without you.
But now I know just who you are,
and I know you hold my heart.
Finally this is where I belong."
This made me smile.
If there's one thing I learnt while I was in China,
(of course, there was lots more than just one thing...)
But if I had to pick one thing,
it would be this...
that my identity
isn't found
in a relationship,
not in stuff,
my identity is found in Him
and Him alone.
Because only Jesus knows my heart,
even better than I do myself.
And He's there,
watching me,
holding me,
letting me run away,
but waiting for me
to run home.


Sunday, January 24, 2010

a sort of dedication

So I thought it was time for kaleidoscope to get up and running again after being in China. I thought quite a bit about what I should write about first, the biggest thing I learnt, what I was impacted by the most, but the answer seemed fairly obvious. While living in China I learnt how weak we are as human beings and how much we need Jesus and people to be walking with us. I have been blessed with the people who, for some reason, love me through my faults and constant failures. Words fail me when I think of the people who selflessly and willingly decided to walk beside me every step of the way in China, expecting nothing in return, and who are continuing to do just that as I get used to being home.
So I was given a little book with daily readings for the time I was away and one day this was written....

"And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembly of ourselves together, as in the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much more you see the day approaching."
Hebrews 10:24-25
"But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin."
1 John 1:7
A poet once described friends as the "sunshine of life". I myself have found that the day is much brighter when Im sharing it with my friends. Enjoying fellowship is one of life's sweetest blessings and joys...We need friends in our lives, friends with whom we not only discuss the 'deep' issues and confide our secrets, fears and sorrows, but with whom we can laugh, play, and even cry. The best times in life are made a thousand times better when shared with a dear friend...It's a two way street, a street practically lined with balloons and streamers in celebration of the unique bonds of friendship." *
I loved this passage. It pretty much made my life after I got over the "I hate them for reminding me how much I miss them" attitude. Community, fellowship, friendship is so so important, its just how we're wired.
After being back about a week, I was given a book which talked about friendship again...
"Every Christian needs a group of caring people with whom he spends enough time and honesty to have 'covenant relationships'. By this I mean committing ourselves to one another as brothers and sisters in Christ so that we will 'drop everything' to support one another in time of need. To know there are people committed to us in this way is a strenth beyond words, a cord of many strands. Many Christians want such relationships but are not yet willing to spend the time to deepen friendships. Remember that the disciples were not constantly serving others and performing miracles. They walked and talked together, probed personalities, cooked, and ate, etc. On these foundations God built their friendship and committment to one another.
Scripture teaches us that fellowship is not a means to an end (1 John 1:1-4). Too often we see people as instruments to get something done and feel guilty unless we have a discussion agenda or significant reason for getting together. Some Christians need to learn to 'waste time together', to dignify each other by acknowledging: 'You are important enough that I just want to be with you, not to get you to do something or share something.' No one wants to be a function or to be used. People need people because God made us that way." **
This passsage struck me once more. I could pinpoint very specific people in my life that fit this mould exactly. People who took time and energy that could be used for other things, but instead put that into my wellbeing while I was away. People who committed themselves to walking with me. People who seemed to 'drop everything' to support me, often at ridiculous hours of the night. People who think I am important, that I am worth time, worth energy, worth emotion. Theres no point asking why, I can only say thanks and try to be the same sort of friend.
To know there are people committed to us in this way is a strength beyond words, a cord of many strands. Thank you.
* Taken from 'Joy of the Journey'.
** Taken from 'The Strong Weak People: For Those to Whom Perfection Comes Slowly' by Jay Kesler.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

While in China...

Today is THE day, I fly out to China TODAY, no more sleeps, no more waiting, today this actually happens.

So for those of you who follow kaleidoscope, I hope to update this fairly regularly so keep on checking, although email will be a safer way to communicate so if you would like email updates of my time in China, flick me an email at beckie.ruth1@gmail.com and I'll add you to that list.

Watch this space...

Becks

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

God is good!

Today, 15 days before I fly out for China, I have absolutely confirmed work for the time I am there.
Not only that, I have a place to live and I will be working directly with a couple of Christians.
Its funny, I just finished talking to somebody (literally 10 minutes ago) about how the thought of going to a unfamiliar country, not speaking the language, not having anywhere to live, or anything to do didnt scare me at all. The reason for this was that everything leading up to this has been so affirming and there was no doubt in my mind that God was going to provide for me.
I had this weird sense of peace in knowing that I was following in obedience, not delighting in my own desires. Being willing is an odd concept I feel. It doesnt at all mean that Im going to be content in everything God calls me to do.
Jesus says in Luke..
"Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine."
What would it be like to be this willing?!
I will definatly talk about this more when I have gotten my head around how amazingly perfect it is, and also in a place where it cannot be read.
This is very exciting.
God is good.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

YOU

To be like You, is I want Lord
To be like You, is what I ask for
To be like You, is what Im longing for
coz at the end of the road, this is what will remain...
To love like You, is what I want Lord
To love like You, is what I ask for
To love like You, is what Im longing for
coz at the end of the day, this is what will remain...
YOU, are what I want Lord
YOU, are what I ask for
YOU, are what Im longing for
coz at the end of the day, this is what will remain...
...you.
If only I could sing this honestly, with pure intentions. Some days I can. Although, some days I can't.
To be like Him, to love like Him, what an honour. If only I could swallow my pride, ditch my prejudice and actually love like Him.
Coz at the end of the day, He will reamain, not material possessions, not the world, not me, but Him.
* Song: "You" by Rebecca St. James

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Lately

It never ceases to amaze me how, when our trust in placed in Him, and when everything seems to go so horribly wrong, somehow things turn out so much more amazing than they would have if our own selfish plans went ahead as we planned.

But in saying this, it never ceases to amaze me how frustrated I get, how upset and angry I get, how abusive I get time and time again when things dont go my way, even though I've seen His work so often in my own life and in the lives of those around me.

I can say things like "it's okay, God's in control and I trust that everything turn out fine" and "this doesnt worry me at all, God will make everything better" but in reality, Im human and what Im saying and what Im really thinking are two very different things.

So why then does God continue to love me, to comfort me, to guide me and to provide for me? Im not lovable, Im not even close to perfect, Im disgustingly human, yet He doesnt give up, doesnt let go of me.

God's unfailing, never ending, unconditional love for me, just as I am, through my faults and constant failures, through my weaknesses and mistakes, through my anger and abuse never ceases to amaze me.

He, the creator of the universe and everything that exsists in it, the Son of God, loves me.

How exciting is that?!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Sometimes life just sucks...

Pretty much,
China has fallen apart this week.
But
as much as it sucks for me,
as upset as I am,
as much as I just want to give up,
It's just impossible
for me
to imagine
what it must be like
for all the little kiddies in China
who have been
abandoned.
Sorry I have to be vague...ask me what the story is offline.