YOU

To be like You, is I want Lord

To be like You, is what I ask for

To be like You, is what Im longing for

coz at the end of the road, this is what will remain...

To love like You, is what I want Lord

To love like You, is what I ask for

To love like You, is what Im longing for

coz at the end of the day, this is what will remain...

YOU, are what I want Lord

YOU, are what I ask for

YOU, are what Im longing for

coz at the end of the day, this is what will remain...

...you.

If only I could sing this honestly, with pure intentions. Some days I can. Although, some days I can't.

To be like Him, to love like Him, what an honour. If only I could swallow my pride, ditch my prejudice and actually love like Him.

Coz at the end of the day, He will reamain, not material possessions, not the world, not me, but Him.

* Song: "You" by Rebecca St. James

Lately

It never ceases to amaze me how, when our trust in placed in Him, and when everything seems to go so horribly wrong, somehow things turn out so much more amazing than they would have if our own selfish plans went ahead as we planned.

But in saying this, it never ceases to amaze me how frustrated I get, how upset and angry I get, how abusive I get time and time again when things dont go my way, even though I've seen His work so often in my own life and in the lives of those around me.

I can say things like "it's okay, God's in control and I trust that everything turn out fine" and "this doesnt worry me at all, God will make everything better" but in reality, Im human and what Im saying and what Im really thinking are two very different things.

So why then does God continue to love me, to comfort me, to guide me and to provide for me? Im not lovable, Im not even close to perfect, Im disgustingly human, yet He doesnt give up, doesnt let go of me.

God's unfailing, never ending, unconditional love for me, just as I am, through my faults and constant failures, through my weaknesses and mistakes, through my anger and abuse never ceases to amaze me.

He, the creator of the universe and everything that exsists in it, the Son of God, loves me.

How exciting is that?!

Sometimes life just sucks...

Pretty much,

China has fallen apart this week.

But

as much as it sucks for me,

as upset as I am,

as much as I just want to give up,

It's just impossible

for me

to imagine

what it must be like

for all the little kiddies in China

who have been

abandoned.

Sorry I have to be vague...ask me what the story is offline.

Beckie is going to China!

An update on the last post ("An Elephant-sized hiccup")....

I've just got home from the Chinese Embassy again, and my visa has been approved. oh yeah. I had an enormous amount of txt messages this morning (and a lovely anonymous comment on my last post...thanks...) wishing me luck and sending prayers and love, and it's so been felt today. The relief is HUGE...like actually. There's only the little twiddly bits left to sort, and then just turning up at the airport. The waiting is killing me.

I know that the chances of nothing else going wrong in the next 64 days are slim, but I have no doubt in my mind that everything will be ready to go in time. That's an encouraging thought.

Love,
Becks

An elephant-sized hiccup...

I have to be careful about what I say so bear with me...

I leave for China in 10 weeks (71 days actually...but who's counting..), and everything seemed to be going really smoothly. There's only really been a few little bumps along the way, but nothing too stressful..
Now I only have two things left to sort, the two things that I thought would be the easiest. 1. Insurance. And 2. my visa. I havent even really thought about insurance but got onto applying for my visa as soon as I could really.
BUT Im having mega ultra huge issues with getting my visa approved, which is actually about the worst thing that could happen. No visa, no entering China.

I can't be too specific here, but you can ask me (not on the internet) later if you wish and I'll fill you in.

You're support so far has been flippin' amazing. Actually. I have no doubt that this is what Im meant to be doing, and definately where Im meant to be right now, so theres no doubt in my mind that I'll get past this in time.

Love you all this much *stretches arms out as far as they will go*,
becks xx

Thoughts of the week..

This week, I got to talking with a friend about attraction and such. It was an interesting discussion, one that led in the usual manner, but went a bit deeper (which is always a bonus!). We talked about "specifics", you know, like what people generally look for...the talk, dark handsom type. But then this got me thinking more. When we look for specifics, everyone will come off not good enough. Seriously, how would you feel if someone turned their direction because one or two specifics didnt quite fit? Worthless comes to mind.. How much better would life be if we weren't searching for perfection? How much better would life be if we embraced brokenness and faults?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Today at uni, I got to listen to a man in his mid 70's talk with the most amazing joy about his adorable wife of 50 years. It was actually the highlight of my week. Words like 'beautiful', 'loving', and 'matchless' rolled off his tongue with sincerity.
Of course, their lives wouldn't have been perfect, but their limitless love for each other was unmistakable.

It was beautiful.

How much are we missing out on by putting up specifics, or limits? This can be applied to anything, this was purely an example from my week.

Im slowly trying to remove the limits I put up in my life, the specifics Im looking at so life might turn out perfect. Because if we expect perfection, we're only setting ourselves up for disappointment.

Monday musings (part II)

Following on from "Monday musings..." a few weeks ago...

I thought I couldn't write about hope without writing about it's friends love and faith

(1 Corinthians 13:13...you know it...)

* * *

"The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread."

Whether we like it or not, we focus our lives on love.

Some love money.

Or power.

Or themselves.

Or others.

It's true that it's a hunger.

We long for it.

We need it.

We focus on it.

It's the highest cause in all humanity.

It's out universal commonality.

It's out most divine need.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with it.

It's wonderful, isn't it?

But it's what we love that causes issues.

I think what we miss is that love isn't a trivial human thought.

It's a spiritual force.

A choice.

And when we love truly,

honestly,

selflessly,

like Jesus

love breaks bonds of brokeness and oppression.

Love is the motivation of justice.

The power behind hope.

The fuel of forgiveness.

I'm human.

And I do find it hard sometimes to understand why Jesus loves me so much.

But it's not because I'm loveable.

I'm not.

It's because I am His, and He is love.

He can't help to love me.

That's encouraging.

I've heard it said that to love someone else is to see the face of God.

I guess it's true, when you think about it.

To love someone else, through the faults of being human, (because, lets be honest, none of us are worthy...)

really is seeing the face of God.

He loves us through our faults,

our brokeness,

our human-ness.

His love seeks no other agenda.

It's unconditional.

It doesn't want payback.

And in spite of all the madness of life, it wins.