Today's fight

One day I'll laugh, really laugh.

One day I'll smile, with wide eyes.

One day I'll dream, the way I used to.

One day I'll trust, I'll believe, I'll understand.

But today. Today I'll breathe. It's all I can do.

The End Goal

I used to think that one day I would wake up, and feel like my life was complete.

I guess I sort of always assumed that day would come once I was fully qualified,

in my dream job,

married to my dream man.

I now know that day will never come.

I mean, yes, one day I may wake up fully qualified, ready to go to my dream job, and kiss my dream man goodbye for the day.

But on that day, my life will still not be complete.

I mean,

that's not the end goal.

Jesus is the end goal.

Or He should be anyway.

He is the One I should be aiming for.

The end goal isn't getting married, or finally finishing my degree, or landing my dream job.

The end goal lies in the moment I meet the One who created me, and everything I am.

The One who created my heart, and gave me all the desires I struggle with.

The One who gave me life, through the loss of His own.

I guess its much easier said than done, but C.S. Lewis wrote

"Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither"

Father God,

Help me today to be who you created me to be, who I am in You, and not who I am defined by anything or anyone else. Help me to be who I am now, and not try to be who I might be in the future. Tomorrow's worries are for tomorrow.

Spring is Coming

We planted the seed while the tears of our grief soaked the ground

The sky lost its sun, and the world lost its green to lifeless brown.

Now the chilling wind has turned the earth hard as stone

And silently seed rise beneath ice and snow

And my heart's heavy now

But I'm not letting go of this hope I have that tells me

Spring is coming,

Spring is coming

And all we've been hoping and longing for soon will appear

Spring is coming,

Spring is coming

It won't be long now, it's just about here

Hear the birds start to sing

Feel the life in the breeze

Watch the ice melt away

The kids are coming out to play

Feel the sun on your skin

Growing strong and warm again

Watch the ground

there's something moving

Something is breaking through

New life is breaking through

Spring is coming,

Spring is coming

And all we've been hoping and longing for soon will appear

Spring is coming,

Spring is coming

And it won't be long now, it's just about here

Out of these ashes, beauty will rise

Sorrow will be turned to joy

All we hoped for soon will appear

Out of the dark clouds, beauty will shine

All above in heaven, rejoice

Spring is coming soon

Spring is coming soon.

Isn't this beautiful?

Steven Curtis Chapman speaks truth yet again.

It's so easy to wallow, think there's nothing to hope for, see no light in front of you. But let me tell you, spring is coming. Spring is coming soon.

Just for a moment

This morning at church we held a combined service, with a focus of conectedness. Conectedness with each other. Conectedness with God.

It was set up differently, chairs around tables instead of pews all in rows.

We shared ameal together.

Everybody talked to everybody else.

And when we sang, music filled the room.

It was just how church is meant to be, and for a moment, I closed my eyes and I was back in China. Back at church in China. Held in a big room in a smelly hotel. People from all walks of life coming together,sharing their lives, their hearts with each other. With no predjudice, no walls. Just...church. Man, I loved it.

And today, finally Iwas back there, just for a moment.

Mourning vs Rejoicing

As surely as I live, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live.

Ezekiel 3:11

Yesterday we heard the news that Osama bin Laden, founder of Al Qaeda, and mastermind behind the 9/11 terror attacks on the US (amongst others), was killed in an operation authorised by the President of the States. What's more, is our televisions and newspapers were then filled with the sounds and images of rejoicing, as the news broke that the world's most wanted man was executed.

Rejoicing in a life lost.

Rejoicing in one of Christ's creations lost.

Let me clarify. The terror attacks that bin Laden was responsible for were horrific. But he is no more a sinner than I am. Are we forgetting, so soon after celebrating Easter, that Jesus bled and suffered for bin Laden also?

Being human, I for one am caught in the middle of mourning and rejoicing for this death. I would like to think, as a follower of Christ, that I sit more in the mourning side of things. I do not believe the world is a better place now that bin Laden has been killed, no way. Nobody has authority to take another man's life, regardless of their crime.

Martin Luther King Jr. once said "I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."

What a man of God.

I'm going to stand with him on this one. I will not rejoice in the death of Osama bin Laden, I will mourn the loss life, as I mourned the loss of the nearly 3000 lives he took on September 11th, 2001, the lives he took before that, and the lives that al Qaeda will continue to take after their founder's death. They are all lives, and in God's eyes, we are all equal.

We Are Not to Decide

Who am I to choose,

what others should have to lose?

To walk away from hopes and dreams,

just to escape the pain.

Who am I to say

"today is my last day"?

To never smile and never laugh,

but also never cry.

Who am I to take the place

of the One who flung stars into space,

the One who loves me as a child?

just because I feel sad.

I am not the one,

the battle has already been won.

I am given life through Him,

and I will give my life back.

Inspired by an attempted suicide.

Riding the Bus

This morning I met Jesus. Today he was in the form of a Maori guy, about my age, on the bus into town. He got on, had a good look around, and then sat next to an older Indian lady and said "good morning, how are you today?". They talked like old friends all the way into town.

Hello Jesus, sorry I havent been looking out for you more often lately. Thank you for showing me how I should be living.